Monday, January 14, 2013

Mark Gregston's Three ways to communicate with your teen.

Good morning friends!
 
As you know, I am a big fan of Mark Gregston.  I have used his material in many of my parenting sessions.  
This weeks entry from Mark is one we can all relate to and most parents struggle with from time to time.
 
 
 
There is probably nothing more important in our parenting journey with teens than maintaining communication channels - and it takes work.  One of my favorite quotes came from Eleanor Roosevelt,
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people". 
 
We can use her concept in our communication with our teens.  "Great conversations discuss ideas, average conversations discuss events, small conversations discuss people".  There is nothing wrong in talking about people and events with our teens - most of us are pretty good at those topics and they are "easy and safe".  But as Mark points out, we want to be intentional to talk about the big stuff, also.  Parents generally need to initiate the conversations and we do that by setting aside intentional time (not just a minute or two) and giving our teen our full attention.  (Remember - quality time is a direct product of quantity time).
 
And as Mark writes today, we can initiate the communication by asking questions.  Mark writes, "So what counts as a good question?  You can go ahead and forget about questions like “How was your day?” or “What were you thinking?”  If a question can be answered in a single word, then it won’t build good communication.  And if your question is laced with sarcasm, judgment or meant to embarrass, chances are your teen won’t even hear it.  Good questions convey a sense of value and relationship.  They are a way to move toward your teen by asking what they think, how they feel, and giving them the freedom answer honestly.
 
Go ahead and ask questions about people and events, but you also want to get your teen talking about the "big stuff" - their plans, dreams, ideas, fears and values.   We always recommend that you spend as much time discussing the future as you do the past and present. 
 
And, make your job easier.  Sometimes, saying the right thing is difficult.  You don't need to say the right thing, sometimes all you need to do is listen and ask more questions.  Listening (and hearing) shows your teen that their words are important and have value.
 
Any personal connection requires the desire to connect by both parties.  Teens are desperately seeking connections - believe it of not, they want to have a strong connection with their parents.  We love our teens - they are a gift from God.  Spend time with them, talk to them, teach them and listen to them - they are so worth it.
 
May God bless you and your families,
 
Scott Mennie 
 
Here is contact info for Mark:  Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas.  For more information and helpful Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss peopleresources for moms and dads, check out our website.  It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent.  Go to www.heartlightministries.org.  Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com.  You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173.  Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at www.parentingtodaysteens.org.

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