Friday, April 5, 2013

Kindness Matters


Steve Noble's Love One Another message below has been on my heart after visiting younger daughter Keeley in Denver for her birthday a couple weeks ago - she is so kind and loving and sometimes she takes a beating for it.  Today's culture can be very tough on kind, gentle, loving souls.

On top of that, you all know I am a big believer in Family Mission Statements.  Steve's daily verse, Galatians 6: 9-10 is a great Family Mission Statement - it really focuses on what is most important and the benefits that result when we successfully implement our mission!


When I do parenting seminars, I ask parents what qualities they hope for in their children when they grow up.  Almost without exception, they hope their children are kind, loving, honest, happy and faithful.  Very rarely do they mention they hope their kids are successful or wealthy or popular or famous or powerful.

I think most of us hope our kids become "fruits of the spirit" adults:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   Today's world can be tough on those values - there is so much more emphasis today on achievement - we parents even fall into the trap always asking about grades, performance, sports achievement, peer recognition, popularity and so on.  But as Paul writes to the Galatians, as children of our heavenly Father, we should not tire of doing what is good, what is right, what is honorable. 

Catch your kids doing what is good, right, honorable and praise them and thank God for those moments.  Character always trumps accomplishment - even if today's culture thinks otherwise.

Love to you all,  spend time with your kids this weekend.  Take them to church and give thanks to our Father for such wonderful gifts!

S


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 19) > > > Keep trying!

Galatians 6:9-10

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Sometimes being nice to people gets old…especially if they don’t return the favor. The Apostle Paul encourages us not to give up, despite how frustrating that can be, because in the end God will see to it that we “reap a harvest of blessing.” That’s some really good news, isn’t it?

A few devotionals ago we looked at the Fruit of the Spirit…one of which was perseverance or long-suffering. This is a really important aspect of Christian living in general, but especially among the family of faith. Doing good for a Christian is not a tit-for-tat journey, but a way of life…regardless of what others choose to do with our good works.

Paul says, “Keep up the good work!”

God says, “It will be worth it!”

We say, “I believe you and I will!”

APPLICATION: Figure out a “good work” that you can go do for one another right now…and then do it! Once you are done, pray and ask God to help you do that consistently whenever and wherever and for whomever you can!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Do you need a parenting "makeover"?

Hello Friends!
As most of you know, I am a big fan of Mark Gregston and his wonderful ministry for troubled teens - Heartlight Ministries @  www.heartlightministries.org.  In this recent article from Mark, he dives headfirst into what is often very difficult for parents - facing the need to change our parenting methods and then doing it!
I talk to thousands of parents every year - virtually all of them have one thing in common - they WANT to be good parents.   However, I have seen that it is not enough to just want to be a good parent, we need to take intentional steps to do so.
It is not easy to change but it is easier if you look at it as a normal part of parenting.  Not only do our kids get older resulting in a natural revision of our parenting methods but we are learning as we go!  We have learned from the good and bad parenting decisions we have made and we can take that education and use it to become better parents!

And remember, revising your parenting methods doesn't necessarily mean you were doing something wrong - it means that you are willing to improve and become EVEN BETTER!   

I have been a girls fastpitch softball coach and hitting trainer for 15 years.  I was talking to my good friend and coaching buddy, Steve Cihlar, recently.  I told him that I am a much better hitting trainer now than I was a few years ago - and I thought I was pretty good back then!  I have learned so much more about hitting.  I have used four basic concepts:
1.  I keep an open mind. 
2.  I want to get better, I want to learn more.
3.  I seek out experts.
4.  I get feedback.

1.  I know I don't know everything about hitting.  I know that there is always something new in training, equipment and strategy.  I know that there are zillions of coaches and trainers out there with more knowledge and experience than I have.  I keep an open mind in observing and listening to others as they talk about hitting and coaching.  I put my ego aside and give serious consideration to new ideas.

2.  I want to get better, I want to continue learning.  I want to continue being a good coach and trainer so I need to always be on the look out for new tools and techniques to help me be more effective.  My students can always go to another trainer so I want to make sure I am on top of my game so I can give them the best training and coaching I am able to give.

3.  I know I don't know everything and I want to get better so I have found the best (and easiest) way to accomplish those objectives is to seek out experts - I talk to coaches and trainers.  I attend clinics.  I watch training DVD's and I read books and articles.  Most accomplished coaches and trainers want to help and truly embrace the opportunities to help others.

4.  I get feedback from my students and their coaches.  I ask them if what I am teaching and training is helping them and making them better hitters.   I watch the play and see if my techniques are getting positive results.  I talk to their coaches.  If something is not working or if they are struggling in some area, I will work to become better in teaching that skill.

It may interest you that I try to use the same four concepts in my business and I tried to use them  with Kasey and Keeley as they were growing up.

As parents, keeping an open mind helps us self critique and look beyond the parenting training our parents gave us.  We benefit from a mind set that allows us to admit that we don't know everything and we can always get better.

As parents, our kids benefit and our parenting is smoother if we have a desire to improve in our parenting.  We don't have to sit back and get frustrated at the same issues again and again - we can get better.

As parents, we have a world of resources at our fingertips.  Books, TV shows, seminars, the internet, parent groups, church, school - all offer expert advise and ideas for parents to revise and improve parenting methods.  It is extremely difficult on parents to have to learn everything the hard way and it is just as hard on the kids.

As parents, ask your kids how you are doing!  I have shared my "Parent Report Card" in the past and it is a great tool to open communication on how we parents are doing from our kids perspective.  

Hey - we expect our kids to learn from their mistakes and revise their behavior to stay in line with our Core Values and Family Rules.  We should expect the same of ourselves.

Becoming a better parent takes desire and work but the benefits are incredible.  I feel great when one of my hitting students has a big game!  As parents, we feel great when we see our kids succeeding - making good choices, having strong, healthy friendships and exhibiting strong character and solid achievement.  When that happens, take a bow - you are a big part of that success!  If it is not happening as often as you'd like, take a look at your "parenting wardrobe" and get some new threads!

Have a blessed week.
Scott Mennie

Friday, March 1, 2013

Loving our kids even when they are not perfect


What a wonderful message from Steve Noble's Love One Another series.  We talk about this a lot in our parenting seminars and sessions.  Our kids need to know that they do not have to be perfect (they also need to know that they cannot be perfect).  We are ALL sinners and fall so short of God's glory.  Thank God for Jesus Christ!  Amen!!!!!
 
 
Christ paid the price for forgiveness of our sins with his death on the cross.  Though we are sinners, we are saved through our faith in our savior, Jesus Christ.
 
We parents sin.  Our parents sinned as did their parents and so on and so on.  Our kids need to know that we struggle with sin just as they need to know that we parents know our kids struggle from time to time.  When our kids see our struggles, they can see our faith in action.  They can see how we work on becoming more righteous and holy as we struggle every minute to be the people God intends us to be.  We may not get there today or tomorrow - or maybe never.  But God never gives up on us. 
 
But just like our heavenly Father who continues to love us and provide for us and be merciful to us and listen to us and carry our burdens and provide us with ways out and forgive us and heal us and calm us (etc.) in spite of our sinful nature, our kids need to know that there is nothing they can do to loose our love (or to gain our love).  They do not have to earn our love - ever.  We may be disappointed, frustrated, angry and even at the "end of our ropes" with their sin, be we cannot withhold our love.  We are so blessed that our heavenly Father never ceases loving us - no matter how frustrating it must be sometimes.
 
As Mark Gregston (from Heartlight Ministries A@ www.heartlightministries.org/), our kids need to always know that there is nothing they can do to have us love them more and there is nothing they can do to have us love them less.
 
Let's love our kids - even with warts, blemishes, C minuses and sins - they are a gift from God.
 
Thank you, God, for loving us through all of our shortcomings.  Amen.
 
May God continue to bless your family.
 
Scott
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 18) > > > Hand Holding

Galatians 6:1a, 2

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

We all struggle with sin. Some days seem better than others…but the life of every Christian has its ups and downs. Today’s verse isn’t addressing our occasional sins, but the ones we tend to struggle with on a regular basis…ones that our family lives may make difficult to avoid.

It could be impatience, or anger, or disrespect, or disobedience. Whatever it is, one of the key’s to overcoming it is found in the actions of more mature Christians…as long as they are gentle and humble. If your younger sibling is struggling with his or her anger, yelling at them isn’t the solution; you need to gently counsel them towards patience and self-control with a calm voice. The same goes for parents!

Finally, Paul urges us to share our burdens. When a sibling or child or spouse sins, our reaction shouldn’t be anger or condemnation or wrath. It should be compassion…as if they fell down and scraped their knee. You heart should ache for them and your reaction should be to help…not to yell at them.

APPLICATION: This is a tricky topic because it usually means the older siblings have a different role than the younger ones. The most important thing we need to do is learn to approach one another’s sins with gentleness and humility, seeking to help one another down the road of spiritual maturity. Discuss the right ways and wrong ways to react to each other’s sin.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Are we building our family? or tearing it apart?


 
I like to think about building a house when I read the passage from Ephesians shown below from Steve Noble's Love One Another seriew.  Think about the work that goes into building a home - the foundation needs to be dug, then the foundation is poured, then the lumber framing starts.  One by one, the carpenters build the stud walls and then they frame out the floors and roof.  Pretty soon, the house starts to take shape. 
 
Then the electricians and plumbers come in and then the wall board gets put on.  Finish carpenters, applicances, flooring, painting - each craftsman builds upon the work of other craftsmen.  Some days, more gets built than others and some days, it seems like not much gets done.  But can you imagine a worker coming to the home during the construction process and start tearing down walls or breaking up the foundation or ripping out the plumbing and electric?  What took weeks or months to build can be destroyed in minutes.  And then, all the clean up has to take place before the re-building can occur.  Yikes - what a waste!
 
 
 
After all that hard work to get the home to it's current state, why would anyone start tearing it down or destroying any part of it?
 
Well, we need to ask ourselves the same question in our relationship with our family.  It is a lot of work to build a family of love, honesty, kindness, joy and positive energy but it only takes a few minute to tear down and start to destroy that relationship - insults, personal attacks, criticism, angry words or hurtful actions can quickly tear apart what you have spent weeks building.  And then, the clean up takes so much time before we can start repairing and rebuilding.  Yikes, what a waste!
 
James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger - this is a great reminder to all of us who are working so hard to build a family centered on service, praise and dedication of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 
 
When we are busy building, there is no time to tear down.  When we are tearing down, there is no time to build.  Let's commit to spending our time building our families.
 
Scott Mennie
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 25) > > > Speak No Evil

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Stupid. Idiot. Jerk. Loser. Ignorant. Moron. Fool.  “What were you thinking?”   “You’ll never learn!”   “You’re driving me crazy!”

Our words can do a lot of damage, and once they come out of our mouths it’s too late to do anything about it. The Bible commands us to be slow to speak (James 1:19) and for good reason: the more we talk, the more we tend to sin.

God’s solution to this problem is very simple: are your words going to lift someone up or tear him or her down? If it’s an insult, don’t say it. If it’s a blessing or an encouragement, say it often! Like I tell my own children (and myself): “Sometimes the most Christ like thing you can do is…shut up.”

Finally, a word about “unwholesome talk.” Foul language seems to be a normal part of society these days, but for a Christian it should not be so. Foul language reflects poorly on its user and it’s lazy English. It does not set you apart…it just makes you one of the crowd. God has not called any of His Children to be “normal”; He’s called us to be special, and the quality of your language is one way that you can reflect that truth!

APPLICATION: Talk about the words and phrases that hurt your feelings, and share why. Next, talk about the words and phrases that make you feel good or encouraged. Finally, pray and ask the Lord to help you live out Ephesians 4:29 at home and out in the world.

Friday, February 15, 2013

We love our kids - but do we like them?


 
Hi dear friends,
 
I was blessed recently to be on Steve Noble's radio program in Charlotte, North Carolina.  We were  talking about  one of my most requested messages:  10 Mistakes Parents Make with Teens.  Then - just by coincidence (right!!!!!!!!), Mark sent the message above in his weekly newsletter  What an important message for parents of teens.
 
 
 
We have talked often about Josh McDowell's premise that "rules without relationship cause rebellion" - that concept is at the heart of Marks message today on "The Wrong Crowd". 
 
We can not be with our teens every minute of every day (and we don't want to be!).  They need to be making their own decisions and learning that there are joyful consequences of good decisions and painful consequences of poor decisions.  We want to be close enough that we can (hopefully) guide them away from actions that can adversely impact their lives long term but we want to be far enough away that they are free to navigate tough issues and choices.
 
But no matter what, if we do not have a solid relationship with our teen - with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we don't stand much of a chance.
 
The best way to impact the choices our teens will make is to take a genuine interest in their lives, their world and their decisions.  That comes from spending TIME with our teens - one on one time where we listen, listen and listen some more.  We ask open ended probing questions and then listen.  We ask if they want our thought on an issue or do they just want us to listen.  We (the parents) need to be intentional is seeking time we can spend with our teens - and they might make it difficult from time to time as they test us to see if we are genuine.
 
Our teens need to know that they belong to our family and God's family and they are dearly loved.  They need to know that we acknowledge that the teen years can be very confusing and difficult.  They need to know that we are genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives - not because we are nosey or want to control their lives  - but because we love them and we really care about them - today and tomorrow.  We love them and we like them - even when they act like, you know, TEENAGERS!!!!
 
When we have a solid relationship with our teens, with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we will have a much easier time coaching our teens through the very exciting and challenging teen years.
 
Love to you all!
 
Scott

Don't get tired of being good!


Steve Noble at Called to Action is a man of great faith!
 
His devotion toay has been on heart since my daughter Keeley visited from Denver over the holidays.  Keeley is very kind and loving and sometimes she takes a beating for it.  Today's culture can be very tough on kind, gentle, loving souls.
 
On top of that, you all know I am a big believer in Family Mission Statements.  Steve's daily verse, Galatians 6:9-10 is a great Family Mission Statement - it really focuses on what is most important and the benefits that result when we successfully implement our mission!
 
 
When I do parenting seminars, I ask parents what qualities they hope for in their children when they grow up.  Almost without exception, they hope their children are kind, loving, honest, happy and faithful.  Very rarely do they mention they hope their kids are successful or wealthy or popular or famous or powerful.
 
I think most of us hope our kids become "fruits of the spirit" adults:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   Today's world can be tough on those values - there is so much more emphasis today on achievement - we parents even fall into the trap always asking about grades, performance, sports achievement, peer recognition, popularity and so on.  But as Paul writes to the Galatians, as children of our heavenly Father, we should not tire of doing what is good, what is right, what is honorable.  Catch your kids doing what is good, right, honorable and praise them and thank God for those moments.  Character always trumps accomplishment - even if today's culture thinks otherwise.
 
Love to you all,  spend time with your kids this weekend.  Take them to church and give thanks to our Father for such wonderful gifts!
 
S
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 19) > > > Keep trying!

Galatians 6:9-10

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Sometimes being nice to people gets old…especially if they don’t return the favor. The Apostle Paul encourages us not to give up, despite how frustrating that can be, because in the end God will see to it that we “reap a harvest of blessing.” That’s some really good news, isn’t it?

A few devotionals ago we looked at the Fruit of the Spirit…one of which was perseverance or long-suffering. This is a really important aspect of Christian living in general, but especially among the family of faith. Doing good for a Christian is not a tit-for-tat journey, but a way of life…regardless of what others choose to do with our good works.

Paul says, “Keep up the good work!”

God says, “It will be worth it!”

We say, “I believe you and I will!”

APPLICATION: Figure out a “good work” that you can go do for one another right now…and then do it! Once you are done, pray and ask God to help you do that consistently whenever and wherever and for whomever you can!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

What makes a "good friend"?


Hi Friends!
 
The devotion below from my good friend Steve Noble (C2athisweek.org) is a great reminder to all parents on the importance of teaching our children (from a very young age) what makes a "good friend".  Selecting good friends is a role where we parents can have a huge impact.  First of all, let us model "friendship" with our spouse and our friends.  Secondly, we need to teach our kids how to be a good friend and what qualities make up a good friend.
 
 
Kasey and Keeley were always so excited when they met a new friend and Lisa and I shared their excitement.  God put us on earth to connect with others - to be in relationships.  Our kids can really benefit when we stay involved in their friendships.
 
Take some time to ask your kids who are their good friends and why?  What qualities do our kids look for in a friend (don't settle for "she is fun").  Use the "what three things" line of questioning:  "What are three things that you look for in a friend?"   "What are three things you have in common with your friend?"
 
Here is an acronym to help teach your kids what makes a good friend - teach this to your kids: 
A friend is someone who:
Forgives your mistakes and shortcomings
Respects who you are - does not try to make you into someone else
Inspires you to be the best you can be
Encourages you through difficult times
Never puts you in a dangerous, defiant or damaging situation
Defends you through good and bad times - always "has your back"
 
Lisa and I worked hard to know Kasey's and Keeley's friends (we still do).  When they were younger and loved spending time with friends, we always invited the new friend over to our house before Kasey or Keeley went to their house.  As you know, Lisa was the best kid taxi driver ever so she always went to pick up the new friend.  Then, when driving them to our house, she could listen to the conversation and ask general questions.  Once home, we made sure Kasey and Keeley introduced the new friend to both of us.  Having the new friend in our house for a few hours or overnight gave us plenty of time to listen and observe.  Then, after Lisa took the friend home, we had time to talk about the new friend with Kasey and Keeley.  AND, from time to time, we would continue to inquire about the new friend. 
 
When Kasey was in 6th grade, she had gone through a couple years of some very toxic friendships (the "tween" years are tough for daughters - and their parents!).  Lisa and I talked to Kasey often to help her through the difficult times and we prayed every day that God would bring Kasey a great friend.  One day, about halfway through her 6th grade year, Kasey came home with a gleam in her eyes, "I made a new friend today, dad."  she told me.  "Her name is Julia."  Julia changed Kasey's life.
 
Julia was the answer to our prayers and is still one of Kasey's most dear friends.  Lisa and I love Julia with all our hearts.  She saved our daughter and we have thanked God hundreds of times for bringing Julia to Kasey.
 
Just a few days ago, Kasey, now 26 years old, called me to tell me she had make a new friend named Kim.  She was so excited as she shared their first conversations and all they had in common.  She told me that she thought she and Kim could become really good friends.  With a tear in my eye and so much love in my heart, I thanked God for all He does every day for me an my family. 
 
A new friend - how wonderful!  I hope I never lose sight of that.
 
Love to all of you,
 
Scott Mennie


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 13) > > > Friends & Family.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

This is a powerful teaching when it comes to having a loving family because it brings to light the fact that our family members are not the only ones who play a part; our friends do, too.

The Book of Proverbs says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” The type of friends we have plays a big role in determining what kind of people we become, but it also can impact our family life. Do your friends complain about their family? Do they have a negative attitude about brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives?

You can’t spend hours and hours around something or someone and not be impacted by it, either negatively or positively. Yes, you can be an encouragement to other people who are struggling with family life, but don’t be naïve – they can rub off on you, as well. Complaining, criticizing, anger, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness…this is a type of “bad company” the Apostle Paul is warning us about.

So, if you find yourself having a bad attitude about your family life, you might want to take a look at the company you are keeping. Their bad attitude might be turning into your own.

APPLICATION: Without naming names, discuss the friendships that you have outside of your family. Do they love and respect their own families, or do they spend a lot of time complaining about them? Pray together and ask God to give you the wisdom to make the right kinds of friends…as well as the wisdom to change course where needed.
 

The Look of Love


Can someone define love for me? What is it?  How do I know it?  What does love mean?
 
What does LOVE look like?  Will I know it when I see it?  Is it like the Sergio Mendes song from the 60's?
 
 
 
Those are all valid questions - particularly in today's world where there are so many opinions, options and where just about anything goes.  Love has been minimized, objectified and vilified.  It has been cheapened, materialized and made a bargaining tool.
 
What is true love?  As Steve shows below, Paul defines it so simply and clearly in 1 Corinthians 13.  All family members -  parents, spouses and children - can do a self audit on the Bible's definition of love.  Let's ask ourselves (very seriously), "HOW AM I DOING IN LOVING THE WAY JESUS WANTS ME TO?"
 
Am I patient with my spouse and kids?  Am I kind to them?  Do I boast, am I proud, do I dishonor others by my words, actions or deeds (even when no one is looking)?  Am I selfish?  Do I get angry easily?  Do I keep a record of wrongs and throw them back as a show of power at my spouse or kids from time to time?  Do I hate evil and rejoice in the truth or visa versa?  Does my love for my family ALWAYS protect, trust, hope and always persevere (you know, does it get through everything life throws in its path)?
 
As I've told you before, I have done that "self audit" numerous times through my life for my relationship with Lisa, Kasey and Keeley and way too often, I fell woefully short in just about EVERY category!  Yikes!!!
 
God knows the life he wants for us - a holy, joyous, meaningful life of faith, hope and love.  Perhaps the most important step in seeing that life come to fruition is to learn how to love on God's terms. 
 
We parents teach our kids how to love by our actions and words.  They will love the same way we do - that can be frightening or life affirming.  Model God's love to your families every day.  You will make mistakes, but love with all your heart, soul, mind and might - just as God loves each one of us.
 
LOVE your families!
 
Scott
 
 
 
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 12) > > > Love is…

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you have ever been to a wedding, odds are good that this verse was read out loud as a challenge to the new bride and groom. It’s a powerful and beautiful list of the attributes that go along with the kind of love God has in mind for His people…and for our families.

Imagine for a minute if these attributes began to show up in your home. What would it be like for brothers and sisters…mothers and fathers…husbands and wives? What would dinnertime be like…or Saturdays…or Sunday’s before church? How would our families react to tough times or heartache or the needs in our community?

I’m confident that just about every member of your family and mine understands these attributes. I’m confident that we know how to live them out. I’m confident that the power of the Holy Spirit enables us to put them into practice every single day…we just choose not to.

APPLICATION: Take turns reading through this beautiful passage of Scripture. Listen carefully as each family member recites these powerful descriptions of what love can look like. Pray through them as a family, asking the Lord to help you live them out every single day.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Power of Touch


Good Morning Friends!
 
Like so many instances of the power of God's word, Steve's Love One Another series has come with perfect timing for the Mennie family.  God is so good - all the time!
 
The power of touch!  Amazing.  Think about the scriptures for a minute - our savior, Jesus Christ, used the power of touch to work miracles.  He cured diseases, restored sight, healed cripples and forgave sinners all by the power of touch!
 
The healing and restorative power of touch is amazing - and that is especially true with our loved ones.  A hug or pat on the back or kiss on the cheek or hand holding can help ease even the greatest pain and help bridge even the greatest chasm.
 
Hug your kids - especially when they are their most unhuggable.  Hug your spouse - model appropriate physical touch to your family; model a great marriage.   Tell your family that you love them every day - no one ever gets tired of what are perhaps the three greatest words in our language: I love you.
 
Love to you and your loved ones,
 
Scott Mennie
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 10) > > > Touchy Feely!

Romans 16:16

Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings.

There are multiple places in the New Testament where the Disciples urge Christians to greet one another with affection…with hugs and kisses. Not a “boy-girl” kind of kiss…but a loving peck on the cheek or the forehead. Not a long, intimate embrace…but a warm hug.

Is your family affectionate towards one another?

This is pretty easy when our children are young, but as they grow older and approach adulthood it can become a little awkward. SAY “NO” TO THAT! We serve a deeply affectionate and loving God and we should show that same kind of love to each other.

Dads: Hugging your son(s) is not wimpy…it’s loving and biblical! Our sons need to KNOW that we love them and physical touch is powerful proof. Our daughters need to KNOW that, too, and a physical touch reassures them of that, even more so than our boys. As they mature into young women, don’t back away! Don’t do the “Leaning Tower of Pisa” hug! That tells her there is something wrong with her. Get over the awkwardness and HUG HER…or some other man will.

Moms: Your sons might act embarrassed, but your affection reinforces their manhood and makes them feel worthy of a woman’s love. Your daughter’s need to maintain a special closeness to mom and physical touch helps to keep that bond tight.

Moms & Dads: Don’t be afraid to show affection towards one another in front of your kids! They may act “grossed out”, but it provides them with a great model as well as a sense of security.

APPLICATION: Exchange hugs all the way around! Finish with a group hug and prayer!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Catch your kids doing something GOOD!


"Catch your kids doing something GOOD!"
 
 
 
We are always so quick to point out when our kids do something wrong or fall short of our expectations.  There is nothing wrong with that - our kids need to learn that there are standards and rules and responsibilities that need to be achieved and when they fall short, remedial action will be needed.  Remember, one of the best tips for constructive criticism is to "criticize the performance and praise the performer."    Something like, "Kasey, you are an incredible girl and you are so good to your friends, but don't you see you the way you treated your sister could hurt her feelings?" 
 
HOWEVER - we need to be just as quick (maybe even quicker) to praise our kids for their good decisions and actions.  Our kids need to know how much we appreciate it when they doing some well - and they really appreciate the praise.  When we reward good behavior and decisions as much or more than we criticize bad behavior and decisions, our kids generally respond with more good stuff.
 
And it is critical to focus on positive reinforcement in the morning.   No one wants to start the day with negativity and friction.   Starting the day with a smile, a kind word and a compliment can work wonders all day for the child and the parents.  Remember - catch your kids doing something good!
 
Love to you all,
 
S
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 8) > > > It’s in there, somewhere!

Romans 15:14

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Paul was addressing his fellow Christians in Rome and had become convinced of their goodness. Not only that, but Paul was also acknowledging that they had become “complete in knowledge” – not that they knew everything there was to know, but that they knew enough about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to live lives that were pleasing to the Lord.  Can the same be said of your family or mine?

We all have our bad moments…but we also have our good ones! There are times when my own children do and say things that break my heart, but there are also times when their words and actions are a huge blessing to our entire family. The same is true for my wife and I, too, of course. Our “good moments” should reassure all of us that the peaceful and loving family we all desire lives within us by the power of the Holy Spirit…we just have to set it loose!

Finally, we all need to work on being “complete in knowledge” by spending time as individuals and as a family studying God’s Word. Isaiah 55:11 reminds us that God’s Word never comes back empty and it always accomplishes what He wants it to. Why not take Him up on that promise? The more we do, the better off our families will be.

APPLICATION: Take a few minutes as a family to encourage one another by pointing out some good things that have happened in your home lately. Identify each other’s best traits and talk about how those can help your family on a daily basis. Finally, pray together that God would continue to fill your family with the knowledge of His Word.

 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Love each other - just the way we are.


Wow - this is a great message from Steve and a really outstanding application at the end. 
 
You all know I love family meetings - we had "formal" family meetings three times each year (start of school year, new year and start of summer).  We talked about chores, curfews, driving, sleep overs, dating, jobs, college, responsibilities, attitudes - all kinds of stuff.  We talked about consequences for poor decisions/behavior and consequences for good decisions/behavior.  We talked about family rules and values.  We talked about family priorities.  Everyone got to talk and there was no time limit.
 
But Steve has gone one better (like he always did when he worked for me!!!!!!!!!).  What a great exercise for each family member to confess their #1 family sin.  If I were using that in one of our family meetings, I would open it up by saying, "At our family meeting, we are going to tell each other something you think you could do better in being part of this family."
 
Then, I would go first.  By going first, I could set up the expectation that this is pretty serious and we want something of substance.  I probably would have said something like this, "I need all of your help and  God's help in being more patient with Kasey and Keeley.  Far too often, I interrupt or jump to a conclusion or stop listening or start preaching or do something that cuts them off and makes them feel unimportant.  I am so sorry I do that and I really need your help to stop doing that.  You have my 100% permission to say, "Dad, you are not being patient with me." and I will shut up and pay attention!"
 
It's very important for our kids to know that we are not perfect.  We make mistakes and we mess up.  And, WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN THEY ARE.  Read that again, WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN THEY ARE.  We have more wisdom and experience.  We have a God directed job to teach our kids and train them in the way they should go.  But we also have a God directed job to not frustrate them and to 1 Coninthians 13 love them.   How we deal with our own disagreements, poor decisions and behaviors sets an example for our children to see that 1.  Mistakes and disagreements are allowed.  2.  We learn from them.  3.  The sun still comes up tomorrow and 4.  We still love each other.
 
We ended every family meeting with a group prayer and then had Kasey and Keeley's favorite dinner (it changed as they grew older - from mac and cheese, to pizza, to crab legs to fondue - it's still fondue).  Kasey and Keeley would take turns getting to choose.
 
Love your kids, listen to them, spend time with them.  When we do that with our kids, they will do it with their kids.
 
Scott
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER: Day 8 > > > Just as you are.
 Romans 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

If the President of the United States were coming to your house for dinner, I’m pretty sure your family would clean the house, take showers, brush & comb your hair, and put on some nice clothes. Not so with Christ. He accepts you and loves you just the way you are…and calls each of us to do the same for one another.

Accepting one another does not mean that we ignore unloving behavior…it means that we love each other well despite our unloving behavior. Christ forgave you and loves you even though you were and continue to be a sinner. Doesn’t it make sense that we should turn around and do the same for each other? After all, unlike Christ, each one of us far from perfect…so who are we to refuse to accept someone because of their imperfections?

We all do things wrong on a daily basis. Hopefully, as we get older and closer to Christ, those things will decrease and the loving things will increase. That is a road that we all must travel, so why not make the journey as pleasant as possible? It starts by loving and accepting one another, just as we are.

APPLICATION: Take time together as a family to confess your biggest family sins. Dad gets angry too much. Mom doesn’t have much patience. Sister is too quick to criticize and brother teases too much. You get the drill. After that, make a commitment to love and accept one another despite those sins, and pray that God would help all of you overcome them. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I'm right - you're wrong! Really?


Good Day Families!
 
In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes that love "keeps no record of wrongs".  I don't know about you, but I didn't always put that into practice when Kasey and Keeley were younger.  As a matter of fact, there were times I had a REALLY GOOD LIST of stuff they did wrong!   But, of course, I was perfect.  I never messed up. 
 
I was so off base! 
 
 
We are all sinners, we all make mistakes and bad decisions and do stupid things.  But our heavenly Father does not love us less nor does he point the finger of blame.  None of us are righteous, not even one; we all fall short of God's glory.  But if we are faithful and confess our sins, we will be forgiven and our sins will be thrown into the deepest ocean and totally forgotten.  (How is that for some combined theology!)
 
Sometimes we don't do that very well in our families.  We fall into the "blame game" working harder to assign fault than to work together in love to reason and resolve the issue.  Love is so much about putting the needs of others ahead of our own needs.  Love is about finding and rejoicing in our commonality rather than arguing over our differences.  One sure thing we all have in common is our sinful nature.  Another is that we have Jesus Christ.  His death on the cross freed us from our sins and made us pure again.   Isaiah 1:18 tells us  "Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool."
 
As we have discussed many times, parents and children mess up.  They do stupid things and make bad decisions and mistakes - AND there are consequences as a result.  But love will endure before, during and after.  Our love for one another can get us through even the most difficult situations.  Rather than pointing out what we did wrong and assigning blame, let's point to God's word for a better way to build our families and get through tough times.
 
 
Scott
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER Day 7 > > > Finger Pointing

Romans 14:13

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

There is plenty of finger pointing going on in most of our families. “She did this!” or “He did that!” or “He did the other thing first!” Sometimes we try to minimize our sin by criticizing the actions of others, but it only makes things worse. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stir up anger.”

When was the last time finger pointing brought peace into your home?

If the Apostle Paul were to show up in the middle of a finger pointing session at your house or mine he would say in a stern voice, “Stop that! Stop passing judgment on one another! Instead, help one another be more like Jesus!” Paul knew that the only thing that comes from this condemnation of one another is disunity, disharmony, and disrespect…or to put it simply, the opposite of loving one another. So when conflict arises, how should we as Christians respond?

First, we must decide ahead of time that we are going to pursue love and peace in our homes above all else. Second, we have to be compassionate with each other. Perhaps your sibling or parent or spouse is having a really tough day and what they really need from you is just to love on them rather than point your finger at them. Finally, we must avoid stirring the pot of hard feelings by being as loving towards one another as we possibly can. It helps to remember the acronym JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself.

APPLICATION: Discuss how your family needs to handle conflict when it arises. Think of some recent examples and then apply Romans 14:13 to them to see how you could have resolved them in a Christ like way. 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Good Vibrations - Love One Another


If someone placed a hidden tape recorder in your kitchen, what would your family sound like.  Would the listener hear the sweet sounds of harmony (like on the Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations") or would they hear the sounds of chaotic noise?  Let's return to 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul writes, "No matter what I say, if I do not have love, it is like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."
 
Works spoken in love have beautiful harmony - even admonishments and correction.  However, there is never harmony when words are spoken in anger, pride, retaliation or self interest - just the sounds of  noisy gongs or clanging cymbals.
 
On top of that, I'll remind all us of something Lisa and I learned when Kasey and Keeley were young: kids are more attentive to a quiet voice in a calm setting than a loud voice in a chaotic setting.
 
Have a blessed day!
 
S
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 5) > > > Harmonize

Romans 12:16 (NLT)

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

If you like music at all, you already know the value of harmony…and how nasty it can be if it’s not there! Bad harmony is like dragging your fingernails down a chalkboard or scraping your fork across a plate; it’s downright painful, isn’t it?

Harmony is a state that God would have all of His children enjoy, but especially within the confines of our own homes. Harmony arises when different parts work together in unity, while retaining their individuality at the same time. As parents, we have to make sure we don’t give one of our children the impression that we want them to be more like another one of our children. That’s favoritism and it’s a sin, not to mention the fact that God didn’t create any of us to be “like” each other…He wants us to be like Jesus.

Pride hurts our families when we refuse to take second place, or insist on having our own way. Pride takes over when we won’t admit we were wrong. Pride keeps us from rejoicing in another person’s victories…and it makes us happy when others fail. Pride is a singular focus on self rather than a focus on God and others. Pride is at the root of virtually every sin, and parents can be just as guilty as their children.

Finally, most of us tend to act like we know everything, including us parents! It is true, of course, that we actually do know more than our children in most cases, but we should never use that in an arrogant way. Children, on the other hand, need to respect the fact that their parents are much older and wiser…but that doesn’t mean that children can’t add to family life with their input, too!

APPLICATION: Pick a song that your entire family likes and listen to it together. Listen for the harmonies, and then discuss how your family can come together like a song made up of different parts…yet works together to create something beautiful. 

Monday, January 28, 2013

God first, family second, what is third?


Interesting story a few weeks back from the sports world relating to Steve's Love One Another message.  Charles "Peanut" Tillman, 10 year All Pro cornerback for the Chicago Bears (the greatest sports franchise of all time!!!!!) and his wife were expecting their fourth child .  Problem is that the Bears had a BIG game on Sunday in Chicago with playoff implications!  Yikes!
 
Charles Tillman intercepts a
 
Tillman had been in the news because he said he would miss the game if the baby was coming.  Lots of sports talking heads debating his decision and Tillman responded from his Twitter account - God, Family, Football.
 
That is a great picture of honor and devotion and can be an inspiration to all of us.  Charles Tillman has his priorities straight - he is honoring God in his devotion to his family.  He is putting the needs of his family ahead of his own and in doing so, is living the scriptures.  I know there are times when I fall short in both honor and devotion but I will work with re-newed passion to keep God First, Family Second and the issues of world - work, politics, hobbies, and even the Bears - third.
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 4) > > > The One-Two Punch.

Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

“Devoted” and “Honor” are two words that we don’t hear much in today’s world…and that’s a shame. Devotion denotes loyalty and honor means to show merited respect. When you take these words into a biblical context, like in today’s verse, they become all the more powerful and worthy of our consideration.

Being devoted to one another as family members brings with it an almost tribal or communal feeling; we stick together through thick and thin. You’ve got my back and I’ve got yours. Add to it the dimension of brotherly love and you’ve got yourself an incredibly powerful combination. Devotion + Love = Christ on the Cross.

Honoring one another inside the family shows a proper respect for one another on a few levels. First of all, we are all made in the image of God and that gives each of us inestimable worth. Secondly, the fact that you are part of a family is an incredible blessing! There are nearly 30 million children worldwide who live life everyday without a family.  No mom. No dad. No brother or sister.

Finally, Paul tells us to honor one another above ourselves. It’s hard to take a back seat…to go to the end of the line…to watch somebody else get all the attention. However, this kind of a lifestyle comes a promise from the lips of Jesus Himself: He who is first will be last, and he who is last will be first in the Kingdom of God.

APPLICATION: Talk about what it takes to be a successful team. What role does devotion play? How does honoring one another help the team? How does your willingness to take a back seat help the team? Finally, discuss how your family is like a team…then APPLY what you are learning

Don't give up hope!


 
I love this message from Mark - we parents, particularly during the teen years, can find ourselves wondering if our teens (and ourselves) will make it though in one piece. 
 
The teen years are a time of significant change - both in our kids and in our role as parents.  Change is often messy and painful - but it is very necessary.  Our faith can be put through some real tests during our time as parents but perhaps that is part of our Father's plan for us and our children.
 
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
 
Through our faith, we need to trust in God's plan.  His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us AND to give us HOPE!  He never said we would always have smooth sailing - but He did promise He would always be with us and never ever forsake us.
 
The teen years can be wonderful as we see our children reach toward adulthood, but they can also be very confusing and difficult.  When we get at our wit's end and we think our situation is impossible, it is our faith in Jesus Christ that can get us through.  Even in the most extreme situations, it's so important to remember Christ's words in Matthew 19:26, "With man, this is impossible.  But with God, all things are possible."  There is always hope - Christ is with us always and will guide us through even the most difficult times.
 
Love you all,
 
Scott

Thursday, January 24, 2013

How does your family love one another?

I am so thankful for Steve Noble and his wonderful ministry - Called 2 Action.  We have all been blessed to share in his Love One Another series these past weeks.  Thank you, Nobes, YOU ROCK!"  (Remember, you can check Steve out at c2athisweek.org.
Let's take a final look at the core issue of Steve's series - what does our heavenly Father tell us about how families should  Love One Another.
How does your family define love?  How does your family show love to one another?  Would your love for each other be visible to a casual observer?   Is loving one another something your family talks about or do you just let it take a "natural" course?    All good and important questions.  Take a moment to think carefully about each one.  Ask your family what they think.

Now, let's take another look at what God's word has to say:  1 John 14:8 tells us that God IS love, "Whoever does not love God does not know God, because God is love."  That if we do not love God, we do not know God because God is love.  Then, if we do know God, we know his two most important laws as told us  in Matthew 22:36-39:  Love God and Love one another.   God is VERY intentional on making sure we know that He IS love and He loves US and it is our duty to love God and people.

It's pretty simple - our Christian faith is all about love.  When we know God, we know love because God is love.

So, is your family intentional on loving one another? Is it part of your families mission and one of your core values?  Because love is a big part of our Father's mission and it is His ONE core value.

OK - so how do we do it?  Remember the Native American legend of the battle that rages between the two wolves inside all people?  One wolf is full of love and the other is full of hate - which one wins the battle?  The one that we feed.  The one we emphasize.  The one we are intentional about.  We need to make loving God and loving one another our two most important and intentional family values. 

As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:2, "....if I don't have love, I am nothing."  We need to "feed the wolf of love".

And let's look at the same chapter one more time for God's definition of EXACTLY what love is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Now, take a serious look at how you show your love to your spouse and children:
Are you patient?  (for patience is a sign of love)
Is your love kind? (for kindness is a sign of love)
Do you brag about what a great person you are? 
Are you full of pride at what a great parent/spouse you are?
Are you rude? (thoughtless, inconsiderate, mean spirited, dismissive, judgemental  - you know, RUDE)
Do you put the needs of your family before your own needs?
Do you get angry easily?  Use harsh words?
Do you hold grudges?  Do you stir up old events?  Do you refer back to past issues?
Where are your thoughts in your private moments - evil or truth?  Where do you find your joy?
Do you always protect all aspects of  your family?  Do you always trust?  Do you always hope? Does your resolve lessen depending the the fickle winds of life, stress, behavior and outside influences?  Do you ever give up and give in to the "dark wolf"?

Love never fails, never.  God has promised He will never leave us or forsake us.  That He will be with us always until the very end of the age.   He has proven His love by giving His own son to die a horrific death that our sins may be forgiven and we may have eternal life.  His love for each one of us never fails - for we are His children.

Is that how we are with our children?  Always?  Loving one another needs to be intentional.  We need to lay it out for our families and for the whole world to see - we love one another and we define that love according to God's word -  not in the cheap, superficial, feel good way that the world defines love.

As parents and spouses, we need to continually ask ourselves, "Which wolf am I feeding?  For if I am feeding the wolf of love, I know God for God is love but if I am feeding the wrong wolf - I am nothing."

Let the world see that you love your spouse.   Let the world see that your love your children.  Let your spouse and children see that you love them.   For God shows us 24/7/365/lifetime that He loves each one of us just the way we are - warts an all.  And nothing brings more glory to our heavenly Father than when we love one another.
Thank you, Father, for loving us.  Help us to show that same love to our families through all seasons.  Amen.

Scott Mennie


Love One Another (Day 50) > > > The Proof

1 John 4:19-21

We love each other because he loved us first. If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.

This verse makes it pretty simple as we wrap up our 50-verse journey: the proof of our Christianity is found in how we love one another. If we love God, how can we NOT love one another? When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He gave them back two: Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself (Mth 22:37-39).

If you slip up once in a while and are unloving towards your parent, sibling, or child, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian. However, if you do it over and over again and don’t recognize it as sin and don’t feel bad about it, your salvation may not be real. As this verse says, “…if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” It’s impossible to truly love God but not show love towards each other…it’s like trying to get apple juice out of a lemon.

So here at the end of our journey, it might be a good time to affirm your salvation, or perhaps, acquire it for the first time. Becoming a Christian isn’t about a prayer – it’s about being changed by the incredible power of God’s love when you place your faith in Him as your Savior. Christians should love one another well and regularly, simply because God has loved us so much more!

APPLICATION: Talk about the things you can do that prove you are a Christian. Not merely the “what” you can do, but the “why” you would do it. When are we acting like Christ…and when are we not? Finally, go around the room and see if each of you can clearly explain what it takes to go to Heaven in your own words. Parents – make sure it isn’t about “being a good person,” but about accepting God’s free gift of salvation, made possible through the forgiveness of sins by: confession, repentance, and turning to Jesus in faith. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

What comes out of my mouth? Love One Another


When I speak to parent groups, I always get their attention when I tell them I can provide a technique to eliminate 100% of their arguments with their kids.  That's right, 100% of them!!!   The parents look at me incredulously so I always have to remind the group that: 1. I have not lost my mind. and 2. I actually raised two daughters of my own.
Children Who Don't Listen,
So at this point, I really have their attention and they are really interested.  I then extend the message by asking the group of parents, "Are you sure you really want the arguments to stop?"  and "Are you willing to do something really really simple to make the arguments stop?"  Universally, I get the answer "YES!" to those two questions.

None of us likes the arguments we have with our kids (particularly teens) but there are times in our parenting journey when it seems like the only conversations we have with our kids are harsh words and arguments. 
Well, I really have the technique to stopping all of them and it is only two words - but you have to really want to stop the arguments......  You have to be willing to follow the wisdom of two simple words.

Those two words?  Shut Up.  Really, just shut up and the argument will be over. No fuel will be added to the fire and the sparks will fizzle and go out.  But you really have to shut up.  Totally.  Be quiet.  No more words.

There are certainly issues in parenting that we cannot shut up about - there are definitely battles worth fighting.  We will fight tirelessly to guard our kids from destructive, dangerous or defiant behavior.  We will fight to defend our family core values and beliefs.  But other than those two areas, most arguments are simply a matter of wanting to have the last word or wanting to take/keep control of our kid's decisions.  Not only are those battles that are probably not worth fighting about, we can never win!    We are not going to come to closure or agreement on any discussion when our objective is to have the last word or to have our son or daughter (particularly teens) let us make a decision for them.

We parents need to remember that the same mouth that speaks words of love, support and encouragement is used for harsh and insulting and demeaning and belittling and angry words.  That can be very confusing to our kids.  If they don't know what kind of words are going to come from our mouths, they will be reluctant to voice their opinions or ask questions.   Even when we  have a disagreement with our kids, we do not want to attack and destroy.  We want to teach and explain -  we want to build our kids up, not tear them down - that is our God given job. As James writes in today's Love One Another series from Steve Noble, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

Most of us learned when we were young to count to ten before we responded to something that upset or angered us.  What a great suggestion for parents.  It is so easy to say to your child, "I am not ready to talk about this with you right now.  I want to make sure I have a chance to calm down and think about it for a little while.  Let's talk about it in an hour."  (Make sure you follow through!)

Words have such immense power.  Words can build nations or start wars.  Words can heal the most painful wounds or cause unspeakable damage.  When we speak, we need our words to build our children up, to help prepare them for adulthood and to bring glory to God.  Generally, when our words are harsh or angry or prideful, the opposite is accomplished.

I love 1 Corinthians 13 as a guide to parents on how to show love.  I love just as much Galatians 5:22-23  as a quide to parents on what personal qualities to model to their kids:  "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." 

Those are nine wonderful qualities for us to instill in our kids BUT they are also qualities that our kids look for in their parents.  Character is caught, not taught.  We are constantly shaping and training our sons and daughters by our own actions and words.  "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

Have a blessed week!
Scott


Love One Another (Day 49) > > > Big Mouth

James 3:9-10

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

The third chapter of James is one of the most convicting chapters in the entire Bible because it deals with “the tongue,” which it describes as “fire,” and “poison,” and a “world of evil.” One minute we are praising God and encouraging one another and the next we are hurling insults and using bad words. Indeed, your mouth can provide the spark that lights an entire forest on fire in your relationships.

I often tell my kids - and anyone else who will listen - that the more we speak, the more we sin (Proverbs 10:19). Additionally, I tell them that sometimes, the most Christ-like thing we can do is to just shut up. I don’t think most of us realize just how powerful our words can be, and so we don’t treat them with the care they require. If I handed you a glass filled with a dangerous chemical, odds are good that you would carry it with great care, right? We need to think of our tongues in the same manner.

APPLICATION: Think of some words that really hurt your feelings and share them as a group. Don’t take this as an opportunity to point your fingers at each other, but simply to realize how powerful a few little words can be. Pray and ask the Lord to forgive you for your careless use of words and to help you take control of your mouth for the glory of God and for the good of your family.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Love One Another - Wisdom according to Thumper

Good Day to All!
Steve's verse today is one that all of us should review on a regular basis - our kids would probably agree!  One of the great things about listening is that when we are listening, we can't talk.  When we are listening, we don't criticize, we don't lecture, we don't say something we will regret.  In Disney's 1942 classic, Bambi, Thumper summed it up perfectly, "If you can say nuffin nice, don't say nuffin at at." 
Thumper: If you can't say

Interesting aside, in the movie, it is Thumper's mom who teaches that lesson to Thumper when Thumper makes a remark about Flower the skunk.  Disney had it right, we parents need to model proper behavior to our kids.  When we are slow to speak and slow to anger our kids will follow suit (eventually ).  When we are quick to anger or interrupt or don't really listen - our kids will mirror that behavior.

Additionally, when we don't listen well and are quick to lash out, the message comes across loud and clear to our kids - "what you are saying or asking has little value - I have more important things to do".  And their reaction is loud and clear, "I am going to stop talking to dad - he only criticizes and never listens to me."
Slow to speak, slow to anger but quick to listen - such wise words from James and so hard for me when Kasey and Keeley were younger.  I so regret being short tempered or too busy or disinterested - not just because I minimized something that was important or exciting or troubling to them, but more because now that they are grown up and have moved out of the house, all I want to do is talk to them - and I missed so many opportunities when they were young - ouch! 

Kids spell love T-I-M-E.  And when we are spending time with them, we need to spend as much of it as possible on their terms and in their world.  Let's listen to our kids - their voices are beautiful.  Let's not be too critical - their hearts are tender and they so desperately need our approval.  And let's remember to say something nice or say nothing at all because we love them so dearly and we want (and need) them to keep talking to us.

Have a great Friday!

Scott Mennie


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 47) > > > Take it easy!

James 1:19a

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

We all tend to react in the heat of the moment. When accused, we defend. When insulted, we insult back. When angered, we retaliate. Things seem to happen so fast, even at home, and before you know it…feelings are hurt and relationships are damaged. We feel sorry, but it’s too late to erase what has been done.

Can you hear James calling to us from the past? “Slow down!” “Take it easy!” “Hold your tongue!” If we could learn to take a breath in the heat of the moment, our families would be much better off. Give your sibling or parent or child some time to explain their actions or words. Take a minute or two to cool down and get control of your anger. Don’t be so quick to say something. Take a moment to collect your thoughts and get your emotions under control before you speak.

As a rule of thumb, after there has been some sort of conflict in your home there should be a few moments of quiet contemplation before you get to a resolution. Have a seat. Collect your thoughts. Calm your spirit. Ask thoughtful questions…and then listen. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this for the sake of your family!

APPLICATION: Discuss a recent conflict that occurred in your home. Act it out how it could have been handled by applying today’s verse. Agree as a family to take a few moments to calm down, collect your thoughts, and then listen before you speak your peace…then pray and ask the Lord for the strength to do it on a daily basis.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Love One Another - Be a Cheerleader!

Hi sports fans!
 
This is a great message from Steve and it has a sports link.  I love sports analogies!  When watching a football game, we hear the announcers talk about the "12th man" on the field.  That "12th man" they refer to are the fans.  They talk about the impact the fans can have on the outcome of the game simply by cheering!  The fans cheer their excitement when the team is doing well and they cheer their support when the team is facing tough situations (except in Philadelphia when the fans boo all the time).
 The 12th Man will welcome the
 
It works in our families, too.  I love the concept of "God first, family second and everything else is third".  We need to show our support for our family ALL THE TIME.   We have to be the #1 fans of our spouses and children and we need to let them know that we are their #1 fan.  We are going to cheer for them when they are doing great to show how proud we are and we are going to cheer them when things are tough to show our never wavering support. 
 
The message is crystal clear - "I love you and I am proud of you in the good times and I love you and I proud of you in the tough times. I am your number one fan always."
 
We talk often about the importance of "catching our kids doing something good" and then when we do, give them praise!   I doing so, we reinforce the positive performance which will "feeds the good wolf".  We spend so much of our parenting time focusing on what our kids could do better. Our kids want us to accept them and like them and see the good in them - they want us to love them, they need us to be their #1 fans. 
 
Blessings to your family!
 
Scott
 
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 46) > > > Cheerleaders!

Hebrews 10:24 (NLT)

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

Everyone likes to be cheered on, even if it’s just one person doing the cheering! It makes us feel appreciated and supported and it motivates us to try harder or to just finish the race. Unfortunately, sometimes we spend more time talking each other down than we do lifting each other up.

The author of the Book of Hebrews was writing to a crowd that needed some good cheerleading. It was incredibly difficult to be a Christian back in those days. Jewish people were mad at you for following Jesus and the Romans thought you were a potentially dangerous, up-and-coming religious movement. The Christians back then really needed to stick together and cheer one another on…and we still need that, today.

The Christian life can be really hard, and that is why the Bible has so much to say about how we treat one another. We all need to be encouraged to do the right thing because our sinful nature always wants to do the wrong thing. We all need some cheerleaders in our lives…so why not start that at home?

APPLICATION: Come up with some ways that your family can “motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” Take a few minutes to write encouraging notes to each other, and then go put them on each other’s beds or dressers. Finally, do a family cheer together, like: “Give me an N! Give me an O! Give me a B! Give me an L! Give me an E! What does it spell? Noble! Say it again! Noble! Gooooooooo Noble!”

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Honest Truth about Teen Dishonesty from Mark Gregsston


Hi Folks,

One of the great challenges for all parents in today's complex world is raising our kids amidst the relentless attack on absolutes.  Basics of good or bad, truth or lie, right or wrong have been examined and distorted through the lens of relativism so that we think we are free to make up our own minds on what previously had been an absolute.  "What is right for me may not be right for you."  "What is true for me may not be true for you."   "It is all relative."  Well, that my be "true" for how long you cook pasta - but it is so far off base for issues dealing with morality and ethics.  There is no absolute right or absolute wrong - it is all relative to the time and people and circumstances involved.  Wow - that kind of thinking sure makes our parenting job difficult.

As as aside, I believe strongly that one of the problems with violence in our society- including so many horrific massacres that have been so often in the news - is that through relativism, we have devalued life.  We have said that it is all right to disagree on your thoughts and my thoughts on the value of life.    With abortion and assisted suicide, with suicide bombers, with children being bought and sold, we have determined that some lives are worth more than others.  When we devalue any life, we devalue all life.  When we devalue any live, it does not mean as much to take a life.

I cringe at the hypocrisy of a demonstrator holding a  "Save the Whales" sign and then having a "Right to Choose" bumper sticker on their car.  In my opinion, that is relativism in a nutshell.   Don't get me wrong - I am absolutely for saving the whales but I am also absolutely for saving babies.  That is an absolute truth - life is precious and we should all do everything we can to protect and preserve it.  It is one of the unalienable rights in one of America's most important documents - The Declaration of Independence - "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." 

We hold these TRUTHS to be self evident.  Do we?  Isn't the TRUTH relative?

One of our most important jobs as parents is to BUILD children of character - children with strong values and solid ethics.  One of the most elementary is the ethic of truth.  I wrote in a previous entry of a document I wrote for Keeley when she graduated from college - "Did I Ever Tell You...?"

In that document, I included, "Did I ever tell you to always be truthful.  Honesty is one of the most important (and fragile) virtues.  An honest life is one full of hope and light.  Dishonestly brings darkness and despair.  Honesty assures that you will always like the person who looks back at you in the mirror."

As parents, we need to be extremely intentional and persistent in teaching and modeling truth and honesty to our kids.  We need to start at a young age and praise them when they are honest and have clear, laid out consequences for dishonest behavior.  It is hard, and sometimes messy, work but our kids are worth it.  We are dealing with what kind of lives they will have.  We are preparing them to be adults and parents.  Husbands and wives.  Employers and employees.  As I wrote to Keeley - an honest life is one of hope and light, dishonesty brings a life of darkness and despair. 

And let's all endeavor everyday to teach and train that truth is absolute.  There is no such thing as a "partial truth" or a little lie.  We all want our kids to have lives of hope and light - let's work hard to raise honest children. 

Scott Mennie

Love One Another - The Good Book

Good Morning Friends!
 
All scripture is inspired by God  - really?  The Bible is so old and the world has changed so much so how can it be applicable - I mean, they didn't even have cell phones back then!  Maybe we can just pick those parts of the Bible that apply to me TODAY - would that be OK?  Plus some of that stuff in the Bible is so hard to understand. 
 
I don't know about your situation, but I am continually amazed at how current the Bible is on just about any topic you can think of.  From relationships to politics, from science to ethics, from parenting to business - the Bible is an incredible guide on how to make decisions large and small on just about any topic.
 
I cannot imagine teaching a parenting class or business session without using God's laws, wisdom and direction.
 
When my daughter Keeley graduated from Indiana University, I wrote her a document I titled, "Did I Ever Tell You".  This was one of the items: 
"Did I ever tell you to always seek God’s will for your life?  “Thy will be done.”  Not “My will be done.”  Trust God’s plan for your life in the good times and bad.  Trust God’s timing, His paths, His wisdom, His word.    Everything you are, everything you have, everything you love is through the grace of God.  Your burdens are lighter, your joys are greater, and your life has true purpose through a life centered on Jesus Christ.  And because of Jesus, we get to spend eternity together!"

Trust God's word, trust His plan - our lives are so much easier and so much fuller when we live our lives according to God's plan.  And where do we find his plan?  In the 66 chapters of His book - from Genesis to Revelation - the Bible is God's voice talking directly and intimately to you and me.  Not in a voice that is thousands of years old but with a voice that is as current and fresh as today's sunrise.

Remember Yoda imploring Luke to "feel the force, let the force flow within you; don't give in to the darkside".  We all need to feel the force of God's word in every aspect of our lives.  When we dismiss or disregard His word as old or not applicable or incomplete, we are giving in to the darkside.  We need to strive at all times to live our lives according to God's will - not our will.  As I wrote to Keeley - "Thy will be done"  not "My will be done."

1 Peter 23-25 speaks to the newness and freshness of God's living message: "You have been born again and this new life did not come from something that dies, but from something that cannot die.  You were born again through God's living message that continues forever.  The Scripture says, "All people are like grass and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.  The grass dies and the flowers fall but the word of the Lord will live forever".  And this is the word that was preached to you."

Our lives are so much better when we read God's living message, trust God's living message, live God's living message - His word - our Bible.

Love to all,

Scott Mennie

-
 


LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 45) > > > That old book?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT)

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

Most of us struggle to spend time in God’s Word…but that doesn’t change the fact that every minute you spend reading the Bible will benefit you as well as the people in your life. It’s kind of like exercise: the more you do it, the healthier you become.

As a family, spending time reading and talking about God’s Word will always prove to be beneficial. It may not seem like it at the time – the kids might act bored and mom and dad might get frustrated - but God’s Word will never come back void and will always accomplish what it is intended for (Is. 55:11).

Today’s verse makes a great case for why we all need to read and study our bibles. It’s a great road map for life…but only if you unfold it and look at it! The average smart-phone has navigation built into it, but it can only help you if you bother to open the app. Like the Bible, it shows you where you are, where you need to be, and how to get there.

APPLICATION: Take a few minutes to talk about the things God’s Word has taught you about yourself and about life in general. Let your children come up with the Top 3 Reasons why you should all study God’s Word and then ask the Lord in prayer to help you do just that on a regular basis.