What makes a "good friend"?

Hi Friends!

 

The devotion below from my good friend Steve Noble (C2athisweek.org) is a great reminder to all parents on the importance of teaching our children (from a very young age) what makes a "good friend".  Selecting good friends is a role where we parents can have a huge impact.  First of all, let us model "friendship" with our spouse and our friends.  Secondly, we need to teach our kids how to be a good friend and what qualities make up a good friend.

 

 

Kasey and Keeley were always so excited when they met a new friend and Lisa and I shared their excitement.  God put us on earth to connect with others - to be in relationships.  Our kids can really benefit when we stay involved in their friendships.

 

Take some time to ask your kids who are their good friends and why?  What qualities do our kids look for in a friend (don't settle for "she is fun").  Use the "what three things" line of questioning:  "What are three things that you look for in a friend?"   "What are three things you have in common with your friend?"

 

Here is an acronym to help teach your kids what makes a good friend - teach this to your kids: 

A friend is someone who:

Forgives your mistakes and shortcomings

Respects who you are - does not try to make you into someone else

Inspires you to be the best you can be

Encourages you through difficult times

Never puts you in a dangerous, defiant or damaging situation

Defends you through good and bad times - always "has your back"

 

Lisa and I worked hard to know Kasey's and Keeley's friends (we still do).  When they were younger and loved spending time with friends, we always invited the new friend over to our house before Kasey or Keeley went to their house.  As you know, Lisa was the best kid taxi driver ever so she always went to pick up the new friend.  Then, when driving them to our house, she could listen to the conversation and ask general questions.  Once home, we made sure Kasey and Keeley introduced the new friend to both of us.  Having the new friend in our house for a few hours or overnight gave us plenty of time to listen and observe.  Then, after Lisa took the friend home, we had time to talk about the new friend with Kasey and Keeley.  AND, from time to time, we would continue to inquire about the new friend. 

 

When Kasey was in 6th grade, she had gone through a couple years of some very toxic friendships (the "tween" years are tough for daughters - and their parents!).  Lisa and I talked to Kasey often to help her through the difficult times and we prayed every day that God would bring Kasey a great friend.  One day, about halfway through her 6th grade year, Kasey came home with a gleam in her eyes, "I made a new friend today, dad."  she told me.  "Her name is Julia."  Julia changed Kasey's life.

 

Julia was the answer to our prayers and is still one of Kasey's most dear friends.  Lisa and I love Julia with all our hearts.  She saved our daughter and we have thanked God hundreds of times for bringing Julia to Kasey.

 

Just a few days ago, Kasey, now 26 years old, called me to tell me she had make a new friend named Kim.  She was so excited as she shared their first conversations and all they had in common.  She told me that she thought she and Kim could become really good friends.  With a tear in my eye and so much love in my heart, I thanked God for all He does every day for me an my family. 

 

A new friend - how wonderful!  I hope I never lose sight of that.

 

Love to all of you,

 

Scott Mennie

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 13) > > > Friends & Family.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

This is a powerful teaching when it comes to having a loving family because it brings to light the fact that our family members are not the only ones who play a part; our friends do, too.

The Book of Proverbs says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” The type of friends we have plays a big role in determining what kind of people we become, but it also can impact our family life. Do your friends complain about their family? Do they have a negative attitude about brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives?

You can’t spend hours and hours around something or someone and not be impacted by it, either negatively or positively. Yes, you can be an encouragement to other people who are struggling with family life, but don’t be naïve – they can rub off on you, as well. Complaining, criticizing, anger, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness…this is a type of “bad company” the Apostle Paul is warning us about.

So, if you find yourself having a bad attitude about your family life, you might want to take a look at the company you are keeping. Their bad attitude might be turning into your own.

APPLICATION: Without naming names, discuss the friendships that you have outside of your family. Do they love and respect their own families, or do they spend a lot of time complaining about them? Pray together and ask God to give you the wisdom to make the right kinds of friends…as well as the wisdom to change course where needed.
 

The Look of Love

Can someone define love for me? What is it?  How do I know it?  What does love mean?

 

What does LOVE look like?  Will I know it when I see it?  Is it like the Sergio Mendes song from the 60's?

 

 

 

Those are all valid questions - particularly in today's world where there are so many opinions, options and where just about anything goes.  Love has been minimized, objectified and vilified.  It has been cheapened, materialized and made a bargaining tool.

 

What is true love?  As Steve shows below, Paul defines it so simply and clearly in 1 Corinthians 13.  All family members -  parents, spouses and children - can do a self audit on the Bible's definition of love.  Let's ask ourselves (very seriously), "HOW AM I DOING IN LOVING THE WAY JESUS WANTS ME TO?"

 

Am I patient with my spouse and kids?  Am I kind to them?  Do I boast, am I proud, do I dishonor others by my words, actions or deeds (even when no one is looking)?  Am I selfish?  Do I get angry easily?  Do I keep a record of wrongs and throw them back as a show of power at my spouse or kids from time to time?  Do I hate evil and rejoice in the truth or visa versa?  Does my love for my family ALWAYS protect, trust, hope and always persevere (you know, does it get through everything life throws in its path)?

 

As I've told you before, I have done that "self audit" numerous times through my life for my relationship with Lisa, Kasey and Keeley and way too often, I fell woefully short in just about EVERY category!  Yikes!!!

 

God knows the life he wants for us - a holy, joyous, meaningful life of faith, hope and love.  Perhaps the most important step in seeing that life come to fruition is to learn how to love on God's terms. 

 

We parents teach our kids how to love by our actions and words.  They will love the same way we do - that can be frightening or life affirming.  Model God's love to your families every day.  You will make mistakes, but love with all your heart, soul, mind and might - just as God loves each one of us.

 

LOVE your families!

 

Scott

 

 

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 12) > > > Love is…

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you have ever been to a wedding, odds are good that this verse was read out loud as a challenge to the new bride and groom. It’s a powerful and beautiful list of the attributes that go along with the kind of love God has in mind for His people…and for our families.

Imagine for a minute if these attributes began to show up in your home. What would it be like for brothers and sisters…mothers and fathers…husbands and wives? What would dinnertime be like…or Saturdays…or Sunday’s before church? How would our families react to tough times or heartache or the needs in our community?

I’m confident that just about every member of your family and mine understands these attributes. I’m confident that we know how to live them out. I’m confident that the power of the Holy Spirit enables us to put them into practice every single day…we just choose not to.

APPLICATION: Take turns reading through this beautiful passage of Scripture. Listen carefully as each family member recites these powerful descriptions of what love can look like. Pray through them as a family, asking the Lord to help you live them out every single day.

The Power of Touch

Good Morning Friends!

 

Like so many instances of the power of God's word, Steve's Love One Another series has come with perfect timing for the Mennie family.  God is so good - all the time!

 

The power of touch!  Amazing.  Think about the scriptures for a minute - our savior, Jesus Christ, used the power of touch to work miracles.  He cured diseases, restored sight, healed cripples and forgave sinners all by the power of touch!

 

The healing and restorative power of touch is amazing - and that is especially true with our loved ones.  A hug or pat on the back or kiss on the cheek or hand holding can help ease even the greatest pain and help bridge even the greatest chasm.

 

Hug your kids - especially when they are their most unhuggable.  Hug your spouse - model appropriate physical touch to your family; model a great marriage.   Tell your family that you love them every day - no one ever gets tired of what are perhaps the three greatest words in our language: I love you.

 

Love to you and your loved ones,

 

Scott Mennie

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 10) > > > Touchy Feely!

Romans 16:16

Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings.

There are multiple places in the New Testament where the Disciples urge Christians to greet one another with affection…with hugs and kisses. Not a “boy-girl” kind of kiss…but a loving peck on the cheek or the forehead. Not a long, intimate embrace…but a warm hug.

Is your family affectionate towards one another?

This is pretty easy when our children are young, but as they grow older and approach adulthood it can become a little awkward. SAY “NO” TO THAT! We serve a deeply affectionate and loving God and we should show that same kind of love to each other.

Dads: Hugging your son(s) is not wimpy…it’s loving and biblical! Our sons need to KNOW that we love them and physical touch is powerful proof. Our daughters need to KNOW that, too, and a physical touch reassures them of that, even more so than our boys. As they mature into young women, don’t back away! Don’t do the “Leaning Tower of Pisa” hug! That tells her there is something wrong with her. Get over the awkwardness and HUG HER…or some other man will.

Moms: Your sons might act embarrassed, but your affection reinforces their manhood and makes them feel worthy of a woman’s love. Your daughter’s need to maintain a special closeness to mom and physical touch helps to keep that bond tight.

Moms & Dads: Don’t be afraid to show affection towards one another in front of your kids! They may act “grossed out”, but it provides them with a great model as well as a sense of security.

APPLICATION: Exchange hugs all the way around! Finish with a group hug and prayer!

Catch your kids doing something GOOD!

"Catch your kids doing something GOOD!"

 

 

 

We are always so quick to point out when our kids do something wrong or fall short of our expectations.  There is nothing wrong with that - our kids need to learn that there are standards and rules and responsibilities that need to be achieved and when they fall short, remedial action will be needed.  Remember, one of the best tips for constructive criticism is to "criticize the performance and praise the performer."    Something like, "Kasey, you are an incredible girl and you are so good to your friends, but don't you see you the way you treated your sister could hurt her feelings?" 

 

HOWEVER - we need to be just as quick (maybe even quicker) to praise our kids for their good decisions and actions.  Our kids need to know how much we appreciate it when they doing some well - and they really appreciate the praise.  When we reward good behavior and decisions as much or more than we criticize bad behavior and decisions, our kids generally respond with more good stuff.

 

And it is critical to focus on positive reinforcement in the morning.   No one wants to start the day with negativity and friction.   Starting the day with a smile, a kind word and a compliment can work wonders all day for the child and the parents.  Remember - catch your kids doing something good!

 

Love to you all,

 

S

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 8) > > > It’s in there, somewhere!

Romans 15:14

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Paul was addressing his fellow Christians in Rome and had become convinced of their goodness. Not only that, but Paul was also acknowledging that they had become “complete in knowledge” – not that they knew everything there was to know, but that they knew enough about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to live lives that were pleasing to the Lord.  Can the same be said of your family or mine?

We all have our bad moments…but we also have our good ones! There are times when my own children do and say things that break my heart, but there are also times when their words and actions are a huge blessing to our entire family. The same is true for my wife and I, too, of course. Our “good moments” should reassure all of us that the peaceful and loving family we all desire lives within us by the power of the Holy Spirit…we just have to set it loose!

Finally, we all need to work on being “complete in knowledge” by spending time as individuals and as a family studying God’s Word. Isaiah 55:11 reminds us that God’s Word never comes back empty and it always accomplishes what He wants it to. Why not take Him up on that promise? The more we do, the better off our families will be.

APPLICATION: Take a few minutes as a family to encourage one another by pointing out some good things that have happened in your home lately. Identify each other’s best traits and talk about how those can help your family on a daily basis. Finally, pray together that God would continue to fill your family with the knowledge of His Word.
 

Love each other - just the way we are.

Wow - this is a great message from Steve and a really outstanding application at the end. 

 

You all know I love family meetings - we had "formal" family meetings three times each year (start of school year, new year and start of summer).  We talked about chores, curfews, driving, sleep overs, dating, jobs, college, responsibilities, attitudes - all kinds of stuff.  We talked about consequences for poor decisions/behavior and consequences for good decisions/behavior.  We talked about family rules and values.  We talked about family priorities.  Everyone got to talk and there was no time limit.

 

But Steve has gone one better (like he always did when he worked for me!!!!!!!!!).  What a great exercise for each family member to confess their #1 family sin.  If I were using that in one of our family meetings, I would open it up by saying, "At our family meeting, we are going to tell each other something you think you could do better in being part of this family."

 

Then, I would go first.  By going first, I could set up the expectation that this is pretty serious and we want something of substance.  I probably would have said something like this, "I need all of your help and  God's help in being more patient with Kasey and Keeley.  Far too often, I interrupt or jump to a conclusion or stop listening or start preaching or do something that cuts them off and makes them feel unimportant.  I am so sorry I do that and I really need your help to stop doing that.  You have my 100% permission to say, "Dad, you are not being patient with me." and I will shut up and pay attention!"

 

It's very important for our kids to know that we are not perfect.  We make mistakes and we mess up.  And, WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN THEY ARE.  Read that again, WE ARE NOT BETTER THAN THEY ARE.  We have more wisdom and experience.  We have a God directed job to teach our kids and train them in the way they should go.  But we also have a God directed job to not frustrate them and to 1 Coninthians 13 love them.   How we deal with our own disagreements, poor decisions and behaviors sets an example for our children to see that 1.  Mistakes and disagreements are allowed.  2.  We learn from them.  3.  The sun still comes up tomorrow and 4.  We still love each other.

 

We ended every family meeting with a group prayer and then had Kasey and Keeley's favorite dinner (it changed as they grew older - from mac and cheese, to pizza, to crab legs to fondue - it's still fondue).  Kasey and Keeley would take turns getting to choose.

 

Love your kids, listen to them, spend time with them.  When we do that with our kids, they will do it with their kids.

 

Scott

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER: Day 8 > > > Just as you are.
 Romans 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

If the President of the United States were coming to your house for dinner, I’m pretty sure your family would clean the house, take showers, brush & comb your hair, and put on some nice clothes. Not so with Christ. He accepts you and loves you just the way you are…and calls each of us to do the same for one another.

Accepting one another does not mean that we ignore unloving behavior…it means that we love each other well despite our unloving behavior. Christ forgave you and loves you even though you were and continue to be a sinner. Doesn’t it make sense that we should turn around and do the same for each other? After all, unlike Christ, each one of us far from perfect…so who are we to refuse to accept someone because of their imperfections?

We all do things wrong on a daily basis. Hopefully, as we get older and closer to Christ, those things will decrease and the loving things will increase. That is a road that we all must travel, so why not make the journey as pleasant as possible? It starts by loving and accepting one another, just as we are.

APPLICATION: Take time together as a family to confess your biggest family sins. Dad gets angry too much. Mom doesn’t have much patience. Sister is too quick to criticize and brother teases too much. You get the drill. After that, make a commitment to love and accept one another despite those sins, and pray that God would help all of you overcome them. 

I'm right - you're wrong! Really?

Good Day Families!

 

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes that love "keeps no record of wrongs".  I don't know about you, but I didn't always put that into practice when Kasey and Keeley were younger.  As a matter of fact, there were times I had a REALLY GOOD LIST of stuff they did wrong!   But, of course, I was perfect.  I never messed up. 

 

I was so off base! 

 

 

We are all sinners, we all make mistakes and bad decisions and do stupid things.  But our heavenly Father does not love us less nor does he point the finger of blame.  None of us are righteous, not even one; we all fall short of God's glory.  But if we are faithful and confess our sins, we will be forgiven and our sins will be thrown into the deepest ocean and totally forgotten.  (How is that for some combined theology!)

 

Sometimes we don't do that very well in our families.  We fall into the "blame game" working harder to assign fault than to work together in love to reason and resolve the issue.  Love is so much about putting the needs of others ahead of our own needs.  Love is about finding and rejoicing in our commonality rather than arguing over our differences.  One sure thing we all have in common is our sinful nature.  Another is that we have Jesus Christ.  His death on the cross freed us from our sins and made us pure again.   Isaiah 1:18 tells us  "Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord, "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

 

As we have discussed many times, parents and children mess up.  They do stupid things and make bad decisions and mistakes - AND there are consequences as a result.  But love will endure before, during and after.  Our love for one another can get us through even the most difficult situations.  Rather than pointing out what we did wrong and assigning blame, let's point to God's word for a better way to build our families and get through tough times.

 

 

Scott

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER Day 7 > > > Finger Pointing

Romans 14:13

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

There is plenty of finger pointing going on in most of our families. “She did this!” or “He did that!” or “He did the other thing first!” Sometimes we try to minimize our sin by criticizing the actions of others, but it only makes things worse. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stir up anger.”

When was the last time finger pointing brought peace into your home?

If the Apostle Paul were to show up in the middle of a finger pointing session at your house or mine he would say in a stern voice, “Stop that! Stop passing judgment on one another! Instead, help one another be more like Jesus!” Paul knew that the only thing that comes from this condemnation of one another is disunity, disharmony, and disrespect…or to put it simply, the opposite of loving one another. So when conflict arises, how should we as Christians respond?

First, we must decide ahead of time that we are going to pursue love and peace in our homes above all else. Second, we have to be compassionate with each other. Perhaps your sibling or parent or spouse is having a really tough day and what they really need from you is just to love on them rather than point your finger at them. Finally, we must avoid stirring the pot of hard feelings by being as loving towards one another as we possibly can. It helps to remember the acronym JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself.

APPLICATION: Discuss how your family needs to handle conflict when it arises. Think of some recent examples and then apply Romans 14:13 to them to see how you could have resolved them in a Christ like way. 

Good Vibrations - Love One Another

If someone placed a hidden tape recorder in your kitchen, what would your family sound like.  Would the listener hear the sweet sounds of harmony (like on the Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations") or would they hear the sounds of chaotic noise?  Let's return to 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul writes, "No matter what I say, if I do not have love, it is like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."

 

Works spoken in love have beautiful harmony - even admonishments and correction.  However, there is never harmony when words are spoken in anger, pride, retaliation or self interest - just the sounds of  noisy gongs or clanging cymbals.

 

On top of that, I'll remind all us of something Lisa and I learned when Kasey and Keeley were young: kids are more attentive to a quiet voice in a calm setting than a loud voice in a chaotic setting.

 

Have a blessed day!

 

S

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 5) > > > Harmonize

Romans 12:16 (NLT)

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

If you like music at all, you already know the value of harmony…and how nasty it can be if it’s not there! Bad harmony is like dragging your fingernails down a chalkboard or scraping your fork across a plate; it’s downright painful, isn’t it?

Harmony is a state that God would have all of His children enjoy, but especially within the confines of our own homes. Harmony arises when different parts work together in unity, while retaining their individuality at the same time. As parents, we have to make sure we don’t give one of our children the impression that we want them to be more like another one of our children. That’s favoritism and it’s a sin, not to mention the fact that God didn’t create any of us to be “like” each other…He wants us to be like Jesus.

Pride hurts our families when we refuse to take second place, or insist on having our own way. Pride takes over when we won’t admit we were wrong. Pride keeps us from rejoicing in another person’s victories…and it makes us happy when others fail. Pride is a singular focus on self rather than a focus on God and others. Pride is at the root of virtually every sin, and parents can be just as guilty as their children.

Finally, most of us tend to act like we know everything, including us parents! It is true, of course, that we actually do know more than our children in most cases, but we should never use that in an arrogant way. Children, on the other hand, need to respect the fact that their parents are much older and wiser…but that doesn’t mean that children can’t add to family life with their input, too!

APPLICATION: Pick a song that your entire family likes and listen to it together. Listen for the harmonies, and then discuss how your family can come together like a song made up of different parts…yet works together to create something beautiful.