Are we building our family? or tearing it apart?

 

I like to think about building a house when I read the passage from Ephesians shown below from Steve Noble's Love One Another seriew.  Think about the work that goes into building a home - the foundation needs to be dug, then the foundation is poured, then the lumber framing starts.  One by one, the carpenters build the stud walls and then they frame out the floors and roof.  Pretty soon, the house starts to take shape. 

 

Then the electricians and plumbers come in and then the wall board gets put on.  Finish carpenters, applicances, flooring, painting - each craftsman builds upon the work of other craftsmen.  Some days, more gets built than others and some days, it seems like not much gets done.  But can you imagine a worker coming to the home during the construction process and start tearing down walls or breaking up the foundation or ripping out the plumbing and electric?  What took weeks or months to build can be destroyed in minutes.  And then, all the clean up has to take place before the re-building can occur.  Yikes - what a waste!

 

 

 

After all that hard work to get the home to it's current state, why would anyone start tearing it down or destroying any part of it?

 

Well, we need to ask ourselves the same question in our relationship with our family.  It is a lot of work to build a family of love, honesty, kindness, joy and positive energy but it only takes a few minute to tear down and start to destroy that relationship - insults, personal attacks, criticism, angry words or hurtful actions can quickly tear apart what you have spent weeks building.  And then, the clean up takes so much time before we can start repairing and rebuilding.  Yikes, what a waste!

 

James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger - this is a great reminder to all of us who are working so hard to build a family centered on service, praise and dedication of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

 

When we are busy building, there is no time to tear down.  When we are tearing down, there is no time to build.  Let's commit to spending our time building our families.

 

Scott Mennie

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 25) > > > Speak No Evil

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Stupid. Idiot. Jerk. Loser. Ignorant. Moron. Fool.  “What were you thinking?”   “You’ll never learn!”   “You’re driving me crazy!”

Our words can do a lot of damage, and once they come out of our mouths it’s too late to do anything about it. The Bible commands us to be slow to speak (James 1:19) and for good reason: the more we talk, the more we tend to sin.

God’s solution to this problem is very simple: are your words going to lift someone up or tear him or her down? If it’s an insult, don’t say it. If it’s a blessing or an encouragement, say it often! Like I tell my own children (and myself): “Sometimes the most Christ like thing you can do is…shut up.”

Finally, a word about “unwholesome talk.” Foul language seems to be a normal part of society these days, but for a Christian it should not be so. Foul language reflects poorly on its user and it’s lazy English. It does not set you apart…it just makes you one of the crowd. God has not called any of His Children to be “normal”; He’s called us to be special, and the quality of your language is one way that you can reflect that truth!

APPLICATION: Talk about the words and phrases that hurt your feelings, and share why. Next, talk about the words and phrases that make you feel good or encouraged. Finally, pray and ask the Lord to help you live out Ephesians 4:29 at home and out in the world.

We love our kids - but do we like them?

Parent Tips from Mark Gregston » The Wrong Crowd

 

Hi dear friends,

 

I was blessed recently to be on Steve Noble's radio program in Charlotte, North Carolina.  We were  talking about  one of my most requested messages:  10 Mistakes Parents Make with Teens.  Then - just by coincidence (right!!!!!!!!), Mark sent the message above in his weekly newsletter  What an important message for parents of teens.

 

 

 

We have talked often about Josh McDowell's premise that "rules without relationship cause rebellion" - that concept is at the heart of Marks message today on "The Wrong Crowd". 

 

We can not be with our teens every minute of every day (and we don't want to be!).  They need to be making their own decisions and learning that there are joyful consequences of good decisions and painful consequences of poor decisions.  We want to be close enough that we can (hopefully) guide them away from actions that can adversely impact their lives long term but we want to be far enough away that they are free to navigate tough issues and choices.

 

But no matter what, if we do not have a solid relationship with our teen - with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we don't stand much of a chance.

 

The best way to impact the choices our teens will make is to take a genuine interest in their lives, their world and their decisions.  That comes from spending TIME with our teens - one on one time where we listen, listen and listen some more.  We ask open ended probing questions and then listen.  We ask if they want our thought on an issue or do they just want us to listen.  We (the parents) need to be intentional is seeking time we can spend with our teens - and they might make it difficult from time to time as they test us to see if we are genuine.

 

Our teens need to know that they belong to our family and God's family and they are dearly loved.  They need to know that we acknowledge that the teen years can be very confusing and difficult.  They need to know that we are genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives - not because we are nosey or want to control their lives  - but because we love them and we really care about them - today and tomorrow.  We love them and we like them - even when they act like, you know, TEENAGERS!!!!

 

When we have a solid relationship with our teens, with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we will have a much easier time coaching our teens through the very exciting and challenging teen years.

 

Love to you all!

 

Scott

Don't get tired of being good!

Steve Noble at Called to Action is a man of great faith!

 

His devotion toay has been on heart since my daughter Keeley visited from Denver over the holidays.  Keeley is very kind and loving and sometimes she takes a beating for it.  Today's culture can be very tough on kind, gentle, loving souls.

 

On top of that, you all know I am a big believer in Family Mission Statements.  Steve's daily verse, Galatians 6:9-10 is a great Family Mission Statement - it really focuses on what is most important and the benefits that result when we successfully implement our mission!

 

 

When I do parenting seminars, I ask parents what qualities they hope for in their children when they grow up.  Almost without exception, they hope their children are kind, loving, honest, happy and faithful.  Very rarely do they mention they hope their kids are successful or wealthy or popular or famous or powerful.

 

I think most of us hope our kids become "fruits of the spirit" adults:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   Today's world can be tough on those values - there is so much more emphasis today on achievement - we parents even fall into the trap always asking about grades, performance, sports achievement, peer recognition, popularity and so on.  But as Paul writes to the Galatians, as children of our heavenly Father, we should not tire of doing what is good, what is right, what is honorable.  Catch your kids doing what is good, right, honorable and praise them and thank God for those moments.  Character always trumps accomplishment - even if today's culture thinks otherwise.

 

Love to you all,  spend time with your kids this weekend.  Take them to church and give thanks to our Father for such wonderful gifts!

 

S

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 19) > > > Keep trying!

Galatians 6:9-10

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Sometimes being nice to people gets old…especially if they don’t return the favor. The Apostle Paul encourages us not to give up, despite how frustrating that can be, because in the end God will see to it that we “reap a harvest of blessing.” That’s some really good news, isn’t it?

A few devotionals ago we looked at the Fruit of the Spirit…one of which was perseverance or long-suffering. This is a really important aspect of Christian living in general, but especially among the family of faith. Doing good for a Christian is not a tit-for-tat journey, but a way of life…regardless of what others choose to do with our good works.

Paul says, “Keep up the good work!”

God says, “It will be worth it!”

We say, “I believe you and I will!”

APPLICATION: Figure out a “good work” that you can go do for one another right now…and then do it! Once you are done, pray and ask God to help you do that consistently whenever and wherever and for whomever you can!

What makes a "good friend"?

Hi Friends!

 

The devotion below from my good friend Steve Noble (C2athisweek.org) is a great reminder to all parents on the importance of teaching our children (from a very young age) what makes a "good friend".  Selecting good friends is a role where we parents can have a huge impact.  First of all, let us model "friendship" with our spouse and our friends.  Secondly, we need to teach our kids how to be a good friend and what qualities make up a good friend.

 

 

Kasey and Keeley were always so excited when they met a new friend and Lisa and I shared their excitement.  God put us on earth to connect with others - to be in relationships.  Our kids can really benefit when we stay involved in their friendships.

 

Take some time to ask your kids who are their good friends and why?  What qualities do our kids look for in a friend (don't settle for "she is fun").  Use the "what three things" line of questioning:  "What are three things that you look for in a friend?"   "What are three things you have in common with your friend?"

 

Here is an acronym to help teach your kids what makes a good friend - teach this to your kids: 

A friend is someone who:

Forgives your mistakes and shortcomings

Respects who you are - does not try to make you into someone else

Inspires you to be the best you can be

Encourages you through difficult times

Never puts you in a dangerous, defiant or damaging situation

Defends you through good and bad times - always "has your back"

 

Lisa and I worked hard to know Kasey's and Keeley's friends (we still do).  When they were younger and loved spending time with friends, we always invited the new friend over to our house before Kasey or Keeley went to their house.  As you know, Lisa was the best kid taxi driver ever so she always went to pick up the new friend.  Then, when driving them to our house, she could listen to the conversation and ask general questions.  Once home, we made sure Kasey and Keeley introduced the new friend to both of us.  Having the new friend in our house for a few hours or overnight gave us plenty of time to listen and observe.  Then, after Lisa took the friend home, we had time to talk about the new friend with Kasey and Keeley.  AND, from time to time, we would continue to inquire about the new friend. 

 

When Kasey was in 6th grade, she had gone through a couple years of some very toxic friendships (the "tween" years are tough for daughters - and their parents!).  Lisa and I talked to Kasey often to help her through the difficult times and we prayed every day that God would bring Kasey a great friend.  One day, about halfway through her 6th grade year, Kasey came home with a gleam in her eyes, "I made a new friend today, dad."  she told me.  "Her name is Julia."  Julia changed Kasey's life.

 

Julia was the answer to our prayers and is still one of Kasey's most dear friends.  Lisa and I love Julia with all our hearts.  She saved our daughter and we have thanked God hundreds of times for bringing Julia to Kasey.

 

Just a few days ago, Kasey, now 26 years old, called me to tell me she had make a new friend named Kim.  She was so excited as she shared their first conversations and all they had in common.  She told me that she thought she and Kim could become really good friends.  With a tear in my eye and so much love in my heart, I thanked God for all He does every day for me an my family. 

 

A new friend - how wonderful!  I hope I never lose sight of that.

 

Love to all of you,

 

Scott Mennie

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 13) > > > Friends & Family.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

This is a powerful teaching when it comes to having a loving family because it brings to light the fact that our family members are not the only ones who play a part; our friends do, too.

The Book of Proverbs says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” The type of friends we have plays a big role in determining what kind of people we become, but it also can impact our family life. Do your friends complain about their family? Do they have a negative attitude about brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives?

You can’t spend hours and hours around something or someone and not be impacted by it, either negatively or positively. Yes, you can be an encouragement to other people who are struggling with family life, but don’t be naïve – they can rub off on you, as well. Complaining, criticizing, anger, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness…this is a type of “bad company” the Apostle Paul is warning us about.

So, if you find yourself having a bad attitude about your family life, you might want to take a look at the company you are keeping. Their bad attitude might be turning into your own.

APPLICATION: Without naming names, discuss the friendships that you have outside of your family. Do they love and respect their own families, or do they spend a lot of time complaining about them? Pray together and ask God to give you the wisdom to make the right kinds of friends…as well as the wisdom to change course where needed.
 

The Look of Love

Can someone define love for me? What is it?  How do I know it?  What does love mean?

 

What does LOVE look like?  Will I know it when I see it?  Is it like the Sergio Mendes song from the 60's?

 

 

 

Those are all valid questions - particularly in today's world where there are so many opinions, options and where just about anything goes.  Love has been minimized, objectified and vilified.  It has been cheapened, materialized and made a bargaining tool.

 

What is true love?  As Steve shows below, Paul defines it so simply and clearly in 1 Corinthians 13.  All family members -  parents, spouses and children - can do a self audit on the Bible's definition of love.  Let's ask ourselves (very seriously), "HOW AM I DOING IN LOVING THE WAY JESUS WANTS ME TO?"

 

Am I patient with my spouse and kids?  Am I kind to them?  Do I boast, am I proud, do I dishonor others by my words, actions or deeds (even when no one is looking)?  Am I selfish?  Do I get angry easily?  Do I keep a record of wrongs and throw them back as a show of power at my spouse or kids from time to time?  Do I hate evil and rejoice in the truth or visa versa?  Does my love for my family ALWAYS protect, trust, hope and always persevere (you know, does it get through everything life throws in its path)?

 

As I've told you before, I have done that "self audit" numerous times through my life for my relationship with Lisa, Kasey and Keeley and way too often, I fell woefully short in just about EVERY category!  Yikes!!!

 

God knows the life he wants for us - a holy, joyous, meaningful life of faith, hope and love.  Perhaps the most important step in seeing that life come to fruition is to learn how to love on God's terms. 

 

We parents teach our kids how to love by our actions and words.  They will love the same way we do - that can be frightening or life affirming.  Model God's love to your families every day.  You will make mistakes, but love with all your heart, soul, mind and might - just as God loves each one of us.

 

LOVE your families!

 

Scott

 

 

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 12) > > > Love is…

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you have ever been to a wedding, odds are good that this verse was read out loud as a challenge to the new bride and groom. It’s a powerful and beautiful list of the attributes that go along with the kind of love God has in mind for His people…and for our families.

Imagine for a minute if these attributes began to show up in your home. What would it be like for brothers and sisters…mothers and fathers…husbands and wives? What would dinnertime be like…or Saturdays…or Sunday’s before church? How would our families react to tough times or heartache or the needs in our community?

I’m confident that just about every member of your family and mine understands these attributes. I’m confident that we know how to live them out. I’m confident that the power of the Holy Spirit enables us to put them into practice every single day…we just choose not to.

APPLICATION: Take turns reading through this beautiful passage of Scripture. Listen carefully as each family member recites these powerful descriptions of what love can look like. Pray through them as a family, asking the Lord to help you live them out every single day.

The Power of Touch

Good Morning Friends!

 

Like so many instances of the power of God's word, Steve's Love One Another series has come with perfect timing for the Mennie family.  God is so good - all the time!

 

The power of touch!  Amazing.  Think about the scriptures for a minute - our savior, Jesus Christ, used the power of touch to work miracles.  He cured diseases, restored sight, healed cripples and forgave sinners all by the power of touch!

 

The healing and restorative power of touch is amazing - and that is especially true with our loved ones.  A hug or pat on the back or kiss on the cheek or hand holding can help ease even the greatest pain and help bridge even the greatest chasm.

 

Hug your kids - especially when they are their most unhuggable.  Hug your spouse - model appropriate physical touch to your family; model a great marriage.   Tell your family that you love them every day - no one ever gets tired of what are perhaps the three greatest words in our language: I love you.

 

Love to you and your loved ones,

 

Scott Mennie

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 10) > > > Touchy Feely!

Romans 16:16

Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings.

There are multiple places in the New Testament where the Disciples urge Christians to greet one another with affection…with hugs and kisses. Not a “boy-girl” kind of kiss…but a loving peck on the cheek or the forehead. Not a long, intimate embrace…but a warm hug.

Is your family affectionate towards one another?

This is pretty easy when our children are young, but as they grow older and approach adulthood it can become a little awkward. SAY “NO” TO THAT! We serve a deeply affectionate and loving God and we should show that same kind of love to each other.

Dads: Hugging your son(s) is not wimpy…it’s loving and biblical! Our sons need to KNOW that we love them and physical touch is powerful proof. Our daughters need to KNOW that, too, and a physical touch reassures them of that, even more so than our boys. As they mature into young women, don’t back away! Don’t do the “Leaning Tower of Pisa” hug! That tells her there is something wrong with her. Get over the awkwardness and HUG HER…or some other man will.

Moms: Your sons might act embarrassed, but your affection reinforces their manhood and makes them feel worthy of a woman’s love. Your daughter’s need to maintain a special closeness to mom and physical touch helps to keep that bond tight.

Moms & Dads: Don’t be afraid to show affection towards one another in front of your kids! They may act “grossed out”, but it provides them with a great model as well as a sense of security.

APPLICATION: Exchange hugs all the way around! Finish with a group hug and prayer!

Catch your kids doing something GOOD!

"Catch your kids doing something GOOD!"

 

 

 

We are always so quick to point out when our kids do something wrong or fall short of our expectations.  There is nothing wrong with that - our kids need to learn that there are standards and rules and responsibilities that need to be achieved and when they fall short, remedial action will be needed.  Remember, one of the best tips for constructive criticism is to "criticize the performance and praise the performer."    Something like, "Kasey, you are an incredible girl and you are so good to your friends, but don't you see you the way you treated your sister could hurt her feelings?" 

 

HOWEVER - we need to be just as quick (maybe even quicker) to praise our kids for their good decisions and actions.  Our kids need to know how much we appreciate it when they doing some well - and they really appreciate the praise.  When we reward good behavior and decisions as much or more than we criticize bad behavior and decisions, our kids generally respond with more good stuff.

 

And it is critical to focus on positive reinforcement in the morning.   No one wants to start the day with negativity and friction.   Starting the day with a smile, a kind word and a compliment can work wonders all day for the child and the parents.  Remember - catch your kids doing something good!

 

Love to you all,

 

S

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 8) > > > It’s in there, somewhere!

Romans 15:14

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Paul was addressing his fellow Christians in Rome and had become convinced of their goodness. Not only that, but Paul was also acknowledging that they had become “complete in knowledge” – not that they knew everything there was to know, but that they knew enough about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to live lives that were pleasing to the Lord.  Can the same be said of your family or mine?

We all have our bad moments…but we also have our good ones! There are times when my own children do and say things that break my heart, but there are also times when their words and actions are a huge blessing to our entire family. The same is true for my wife and I, too, of course. Our “good moments” should reassure all of us that the peaceful and loving family we all desire lives within us by the power of the Holy Spirit…we just have to set it loose!

Finally, we all need to work on being “complete in knowledge” by spending time as individuals and as a family studying God’s Word. Isaiah 55:11 reminds us that God’s Word never comes back empty and it always accomplishes what He wants it to. Why not take Him up on that promise? The more we do, the better off our families will be.

APPLICATION: Take a few minutes as a family to encourage one another by pointing out some good things that have happened in your home lately. Identify each other’s best traits and talk about how those can help your family on a daily basis. Finally, pray together that God would continue to fill your family with the knowledge of His Word.