Eight Qualities of a Good Parent from Mark Gregston

Parent Tips from Mark Gregston 8 Qualities of a Good Parent » Parent Tips from Mark Gregston

Hey parents,

This is a great article from Mark.  You might want to read through it with your spouse and talk about how each of you are doing with the 8 qualities Mark is writing about.

Feeling brave??? Ask your kids to rate you on how they think you are doing each of Mark's points (YIKES!).  Kind of like the Parent Report Card (below) that Kasey and Keeley filled out for Lisa and me every time they got a school report card.

AND - you really need to know your children to interpret the grades they give you.

Kasey was (and still is) very protective of me.  If she gave me an A- or B+ in a category, she was really trying to tell me something.  Keeley was much more spontaneous - she regularly gave me C's and even a D- - - one time for "Spends time with me".  At the time, I was one of her softball coaches so we were spending about 20+ hours a week together.  When I asked her why she gave me a D - - -, she replied that the time I was spending with her was as her coach, not her dad!   (Actually, a VERY valid point and one that really hit home with me).

Today is Kasey's 29th birthday - holey cow!   Keeley turns 26 in just a few weeks.  They have brought Lisa and  me such joy through their years - we are so blessed.  Spend time with your kids, listen to them, talk to them, get to know their friends and most of all, let them know that you love them every single day.  They are a gift from God.

Love to you all.

Scott

 

Parent Report Card

 

Child’s name__________________________  Parent ________________ Date ___________  Grade parent from A to F on how you think that parent is doing in each of these areas:

 

 

_________         Loving                                    _________         Spends time with me

 

_________         Easy to talk to                        _________         Strictness

 

_________         Encourages me                     _________         Open minded

 

_________         Patience                                 _________         Funny

 

_________         Temper                                   _________         Wisdom

 

_________         Good listener                         _________         Sets good example

 

_________         Helps with homework           _________         Kind

 

_________         Teaches me things               _________         Relates to friends

 

_________         Does things with me             _________         Problem solver

 

 Comments and goals for improvement:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kindness Matters

Steve Noble's Love One Another message below has been on my heart after visiting younger daughter Keeley in Denver for her birthday a couple weeks ago - she is so kind and loving and sometimes she takes a beating for it.  Today's culture can be very tough on kind, gentle, loving souls.

On top of that, you all know I am a big believer in Family Mission Statements.  Steve's daily verse, Galatians 6: 9-10 is a great Family Mission Statement - it really focuses on what is most important and the benefits that result when we successfully implement our mission!

When I do parenting seminars, I ask parents what qualities they hope for in their children when they grow up.  Almost without exception, they hope their children are kind, loving, honest, happy and faithful.  Very rarely do they mention they hope their kids are successful or wealthy or popular or famous or powerful.

I think most of us hope our kids become "fruits of the spirit" adults:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   Today's world can be tough on those values - there is so much more emphasis today on achievement - we parents even fall into the trap always asking about grades, performance, sports achievement, peer recognition, popularity and so on.  But as Paul writes to the Galatians, as children of our heavenly Father, we should not tire of doing what is good, what is right, what is honorable. 

Catch your kids doing what is good, right, honorable and praise them and thank God for those moments.  Character always trumps accomplishment - even if today's culture thinks otherwise.

Love to you all,  spend time with your kids this weekend.  Take them to church and give thanks to our Father for such wonderful gifts!

S

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 19) > > > Keep trying!

Galatians 6:9-10

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Sometimes being nice to people gets old…especially if they don’t return the favor. The Apostle Paul encourages us not to give up, despite how frustrating that can be, because in the end God will see to it that we “reap a harvest of blessing.” That’s some really good news, isn’t it?

A few devotionals ago we looked at the Fruit of the Spirit…one of which was perseverance or long-suffering. This is a really important aspect of Christian living in general, but especially among the family of faith. Doing good for a Christian is not a tit-for-tat journey, but a way of life…regardless of what others choose to do with our good works.

Paul says, “Keep up the good work!”

God says, “It will be worth it!”

We say, “I believe you and I will!”

APPLICATION: Figure out a “good work” that you can go do for one another right now…and then do it! Once you are done, pray and ask God to help you do that consistently whenever and wherever and for whomever you can!

Do you need a parenting "makeover"?

Hello Friends!

As most of you know, I am a big fan of Mark Gregston and his wonderful ministry for troubled teens - Heartlight Ministries @  www.heartlightministries.org.  In this recent article from Mark, he dives headfirst into what is often very difficult for parents - facing the need to change our parenting methods and then doing it!

Parent Tips from Mark Gregston » Updating Our Parenting Styles

I talk to thousands of parents every year - virtually all of them have one thing in common - they WANT to be good parents.   However, I have seen that it is not enough to just want to be a good parent, we need to take intentional steps to do so.

It is not easy to change but it is easier if you look at it as a normal part of parenting.  Not only do our kids get older resulting in a natural revision of our parenting methods but we are learning as we go!  We have learned from the good and bad parenting decisions we have made and we can take that education and use it to become better parents!

And remember, revising your parenting methods doesn't necessarily mean you were doing something wrong - it means that you are willing to improve and become EVEN BETTER!   

I have been a girls fastpitch softball coach and hitting trainer for 15 years.  I was talking to my good friend and coaching buddy, Steve Cihlar, recently.  I told him that I am a much better hitting trainer now than I was a few years ago - and I thought I was pretty good back then!  I have learned so much more about hitting.  I have used four basic concepts:

1.  I keep an open mind. 

2.  I want to get better, I want to learn more.

3.  I seek out experts.

4.  I get feedback.

1.  I know I don't know everything about hitting.  I know that there is always something new in training, equipment and strategy.  I know that there are zillions of coaches and trainers out there with more knowledge and experience than I have.  I keep an open mind in observing and listening to others as they talk about hitting and coaching.  I put my ego aside and give serious consideration to new ideas.

2.  I want to get better, I want to continue learning.  I want to continue being a good coach and trainer so I need to always be on the look out for new tools and techniques to help me be more effective.  My students can always go to another trainer so I want to make sure I am on top of my game so I can give them the best training and coaching I am able to give.

3.  I know I don't know everything and I want to get better so I have found the best (and easiest) way to accomplish those objectives is to seek out experts - I talk to coaches and trainers.  I attend clinics.  I watch training DVD's and I read books and articles.  Most accomplished coaches and trainers want to help and truly embrace the opportunities to help others.

4.  I get feedback from my students and their coaches.  I ask them if what I am teaching and training is helping them and making them better hitters.   I watch the play and see if my techniques are getting positive results.  I talk to their coaches.  If something is not working or if they are struggling in some area, I will work to become better in teaching that skill.

It may interest you that I try to use the same four concepts in my business and I tried to use them  with Kasey and Keeley as they were growing up.

As parents, keeping an open mind helps us self critique and look beyond the parenting training our parents gave us.  We benefit from a mind set that allows us to admit that we don't know everything and we can always get better.

As parents, our kids benefit and our parenting is smoother if we have a desire to improve in our parenting.  We don't have to sit back and get frustrated at the same issues again and again - we can get better.

As parents, we have a world of resources at our fingertips.  Books, TV shows, seminars, the internet, parent groups, church, school - all offer expert advise and ideas for parents to revise and improve parenting methods.  It is extremely difficult on parents to have to learn everything the hard way and it is just as hard on the kids.

As parents, ask your kids how you are doing!  I have shared my "Parent Report Card" in the past and it is a great tool to open communication on how we parents are doing from our kids perspective.  

Hey - we expect our kids to learn from their mistakes and revise their behavior to stay in line with our Core Values and Family Rules.  We should expect the same of ourselves.

Becoming a better parent takes desire and work but the benefits are incredible.  I feel great when one of my hitting students has a big game!  As parents, we feel great when we see our kids succeeding - making good choices, having strong, healthy friendships and exhibiting strong character and solid achievement.  When that happens, take a bow - you are a big part of that success!  If it is not happening as often as you'd like, take a look at your "parenting wardrobe" and get some new threads!

Have a blessed week.

Scott Mennie

Loving our kids even when they are not perfect

What a wonderful message from Steve Noble's Love One Another series.  We talk about this a lot in our parenting seminars and sessions.  Our kids need to know that they do not have to be perfect (they also need to know that they cannot be perfect).  We are ALL sinners and fall so short of God's glory.  Thank God for Jesus Christ!  Amen!!!!!

 

 

Christ paid the price for forgiveness of our sins with his death on the cross.  Though we are sinners, we are saved through our faith in our savior, Jesus Christ.

 

We parents sin.  Our parents sinned as did their parents and so on and so on.  Our kids need to know that we struggle with sin just as they need to know that we parents know our kids struggle from time to time.  When our kids see our struggles, they can see our faith in action.  They can see how we work on becoming more righteous and holy as we struggle every minute to be the people God intends us to be.  We may not get there today or tomorrow - or maybe never.  But God never gives up on us. 

 

But just like our heavenly Father who continues to love us and provide for us and be merciful to us and listen to us and carry our burdens and provide us with ways out and forgive us and heal us and calm us (etc.) in spite of our sinful nature, our kids need to know that there is nothing they can do to loose our love (or to gain our love).  They do not have to earn our love - ever.  We may be disappointed, frustrated, angry and even at the "end of our ropes" with their sin, be we cannot withhold our love.  We are so blessed that our heavenly Father never ceases loving us - no matter how frustrating it must be sometimes.

 

As Mark Gregston (from Heartlight Ministries A@ www.heartlightministries.org/), our kids need to always know that there is nothing they can do to have us love them more and there is nothing they can do to have us love them less.

 

Let's love our kids - even with warts, blemishes, C minuses and sins - they are a gift from God.

 

Thank you, God, for loving us through all of our shortcomings.  Amen.

 

May God continue to bless your family.

 

Scott

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 18) > > > Hand Holding

Galatians 6:1a, 2

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

We all struggle with sin. Some days seem better than others…but the life of every Christian has its ups and downs. Today’s verse isn’t addressing our occasional sins, but the ones we tend to struggle with on a regular basis…ones that our family lives may make difficult to avoid.

It could be impatience, or anger, or disrespect, or disobedience. Whatever it is, one of the key’s to overcoming it is found in the actions of more mature Christians…as long as they are gentle and humble. If your younger sibling is struggling with his or her anger, yelling at them isn’t the solution; you need to gently counsel them towards patience and self-control with a calm voice. The same goes for parents!

Finally, Paul urges us to share our burdens. When a sibling or child or spouse sins, our reaction shouldn’t be anger or condemnation or wrath. It should be compassion…as if they fell down and scraped their knee. You heart should ache for them and your reaction should be to help…not to yell at them.

APPLICATION: This is a tricky topic because it usually means the older siblings have a different role than the younger ones. The most important thing we need to do is learn to approach one another’s sins with gentleness and humility, seeking to help one another down the road of spiritual maturity. Discuss the right ways and wrong ways to react to each other’s sin.

Are we building our family? or tearing it apart?

 

I like to think about building a house when I read the passage from Ephesians shown below from Steve Noble's Love One Another seriew.  Think about the work that goes into building a home - the foundation needs to be dug, then the foundation is poured, then the lumber framing starts.  One by one, the carpenters build the stud walls and then they frame out the floors and roof.  Pretty soon, the house starts to take shape. 

 

Then the electricians and plumbers come in and then the wall board gets put on.  Finish carpenters, applicances, flooring, painting - each craftsman builds upon the work of other craftsmen.  Some days, more gets built than others and some days, it seems like not much gets done.  But can you imagine a worker coming to the home during the construction process and start tearing down walls or breaking up the foundation or ripping out the plumbing and electric?  What took weeks or months to build can be destroyed in minutes.  And then, all the clean up has to take place before the re-building can occur.  Yikes - what a waste!

 

 

 

After all that hard work to get the home to it's current state, why would anyone start tearing it down or destroying any part of it?

 

Well, we need to ask ourselves the same question in our relationship with our family.  It is a lot of work to build a family of love, honesty, kindness, joy and positive energy but it only takes a few minute to tear down and start to destroy that relationship - insults, personal attacks, criticism, angry words or hurtful actions can quickly tear apart what you have spent weeks building.  And then, the clean up takes so much time before we can start repairing and rebuilding.  Yikes, what a waste!

 

James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger - this is a great reminder to all of us who are working so hard to build a family centered on service, praise and dedication of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

 

When we are busy building, there is no time to tear down.  When we are tearing down, there is no time to build.  Let's commit to spending our time building our families.

 

Scott Mennie

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 25) > > > Speak No Evil

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Stupid. Idiot. Jerk. Loser. Ignorant. Moron. Fool.  “What were you thinking?”   “You’ll never learn!”   “You’re driving me crazy!”

Our words can do a lot of damage, and once they come out of our mouths it’s too late to do anything about it. The Bible commands us to be slow to speak (James 1:19) and for good reason: the more we talk, the more we tend to sin.

God’s solution to this problem is very simple: are your words going to lift someone up or tear him or her down? If it’s an insult, don’t say it. If it’s a blessing or an encouragement, say it often! Like I tell my own children (and myself): “Sometimes the most Christ like thing you can do is…shut up.”

Finally, a word about “unwholesome talk.” Foul language seems to be a normal part of society these days, but for a Christian it should not be so. Foul language reflects poorly on its user and it’s lazy English. It does not set you apart…it just makes you one of the crowd. God has not called any of His Children to be “normal”; He’s called us to be special, and the quality of your language is one way that you can reflect that truth!

APPLICATION: Talk about the words and phrases that hurt your feelings, and share why. Next, talk about the words and phrases that make you feel good or encouraged. Finally, pray and ask the Lord to help you live out Ephesians 4:29 at home and out in the world.

We love our kids - but do we like them?

Parent Tips from Mark Gregston » The Wrong Crowd

 

Hi dear friends,

 

I was blessed recently to be on Steve Noble's radio program in Charlotte, North Carolina.  We were  talking about  one of my most requested messages:  10 Mistakes Parents Make with Teens.  Then - just by coincidence (right!!!!!!!!), Mark sent the message above in his weekly newsletter  What an important message for parents of teens.

 

 

 

We have talked often about Josh McDowell's premise that "rules without relationship cause rebellion" - that concept is at the heart of Marks message today on "The Wrong Crowd". 

 

We can not be with our teens every minute of every day (and we don't want to be!).  They need to be making their own decisions and learning that there are joyful consequences of good decisions and painful consequences of poor decisions.  We want to be close enough that we can (hopefully) guide them away from actions that can adversely impact their lives long term but we want to be far enough away that they are free to navigate tough issues and choices.

 

But no matter what, if we do not have a solid relationship with our teen - with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we don't stand much of a chance.

 

The best way to impact the choices our teens will make is to take a genuine interest in their lives, their world and their decisions.  That comes from spending TIME with our teens - one on one time where we listen, listen and listen some more.  We ask open ended probing questions and then listen.  We ask if they want our thought on an issue or do they just want us to listen.  We (the parents) need to be intentional is seeking time we can spend with our teens - and they might make it difficult from time to time as they test us to see if we are genuine.

 

Our teens need to know that they belong to our family and God's family and they are dearly loved.  They need to know that we acknowledge that the teen years can be very confusing and difficult.  They need to know that we are genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives - not because we are nosey or want to control their lives  - but because we love them and we really care about them - today and tomorrow.  We love them and we like them - even when they act like, you know, TEENAGERS!!!!

 

When we have a solid relationship with our teens, with a foundation of respect, communication, honesty and LOVE, we will have a much easier time coaching our teens through the very exciting and challenging teen years.

 

Love to you all!

 

Scott

Don't get tired of being good!

Steve Noble at Called to Action is a man of great faith!

 

His devotion toay has been on heart since my daughter Keeley visited from Denver over the holidays.  Keeley is very kind and loving and sometimes she takes a beating for it.  Today's culture can be very tough on kind, gentle, loving souls.

 

On top of that, you all know I am a big believer in Family Mission Statements.  Steve's daily verse, Galatians 6:9-10 is a great Family Mission Statement - it really focuses on what is most important and the benefits that result when we successfully implement our mission!

 

 

When I do parenting seminars, I ask parents what qualities they hope for in their children when they grow up.  Almost without exception, they hope their children are kind, loving, honest, happy and faithful.  Very rarely do they mention they hope their kids are successful or wealthy or popular or famous or powerful.

 

I think most of us hope our kids become "fruits of the spirit" adults:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   Today's world can be tough on those values - there is so much more emphasis today on achievement - we parents even fall into the trap always asking about grades, performance, sports achievement, peer recognition, popularity and so on.  But as Paul writes to the Galatians, as children of our heavenly Father, we should not tire of doing what is good, what is right, what is honorable.  Catch your kids doing what is good, right, honorable and praise them and thank God for those moments.  Character always trumps accomplishment - even if today's culture thinks otherwise.

 

Love to you all,  spend time with your kids this weekend.  Take them to church and give thanks to our Father for such wonderful gifts!

 

S

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 19) > > > Keep trying!

Galatians 6:9-10

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Sometimes being nice to people gets old…especially if they don’t return the favor. The Apostle Paul encourages us not to give up, despite how frustrating that can be, because in the end God will see to it that we “reap a harvest of blessing.” That’s some really good news, isn’t it?

A few devotionals ago we looked at the Fruit of the Spirit…one of which was perseverance or long-suffering. This is a really important aspect of Christian living in general, but especially among the family of faith. Doing good for a Christian is not a tit-for-tat journey, but a way of life…regardless of what others choose to do with our good works.

Paul says, “Keep up the good work!”

God says, “It will be worth it!”

We say, “I believe you and I will!”

APPLICATION: Figure out a “good work” that you can go do for one another right now…and then do it! Once you are done, pray and ask God to help you do that consistently whenever and wherever and for whomever you can!