Do you need a parenting "makeover"?

Hello Friends!

As most of you know, I am a big fan of Mark Gregston and his wonderful ministry for troubled teens - Heartlight Ministries @  www.heartlightministries.org.  In this recent article from Mark, he dives headfirst into what is often very difficult for parents - facing the need to change our parenting methods and then doing it!

Parent Tips from Mark Gregston » Updating Our Parenting Styles

I talk to thousands of parents every year - virtually all of them have one thing in common - they WANT to be good parents.   However, I have seen that it is not enough to just want to be a good parent, we need to take intentional steps to do so.

It is not easy to change but it is easier if you look at it as a normal part of parenting.  Not only do our kids get older resulting in a natural revision of our parenting methods but we are learning as we go!  We have learned from the good and bad parenting decisions we have made and we can take that education and use it to become better parents!

And remember, revising your parenting methods doesn't necessarily mean you were doing something wrong - it means that you are willing to improve and become EVEN BETTER!   

I have been a girls fastpitch softball coach and hitting trainer for 15 years.  I was talking to my good friend and coaching buddy, Steve Cihlar, recently.  I told him that I am a much better hitting trainer now than I was a few years ago - and I thought I was pretty good back then!  I have learned so much more about hitting.  I have used four basic concepts:

1.  I keep an open mind. 

2.  I want to get better, I want to learn more.

3.  I seek out experts.

4.  I get feedback.

1.  I know I don't know everything about hitting.  I know that there is always something new in training, equipment and strategy.  I know that there are zillions of coaches and trainers out there with more knowledge and experience than I have.  I keep an open mind in observing and listening to others as they talk about hitting and coaching.  I put my ego aside and give serious consideration to new ideas.

2.  I want to get better, I want to continue learning.  I want to continue being a good coach and trainer so I need to always be on the look out for new tools and techniques to help me be more effective.  My students can always go to another trainer so I want to make sure I am on top of my game so I can give them the best training and coaching I am able to give.

3.  I know I don't know everything and I want to get better so I have found the best (and easiest) way to accomplish those objectives is to seek out experts - I talk to coaches and trainers.  I attend clinics.  I watch training DVD's and I read books and articles.  Most accomplished coaches and trainers want to help and truly embrace the opportunities to help others.

4.  I get feedback from my students and their coaches.  I ask them if what I am teaching and training is helping them and making them better hitters.   I watch the play and see if my techniques are getting positive results.  I talk to their coaches.  If something is not working or if they are struggling in some area, I will work to become better in teaching that skill.

It may interest you that I try to use the same four concepts in my business and I tried to use them  with Kasey and Keeley as they were growing up.

As parents, keeping an open mind helps us self critique and look beyond the parenting training our parents gave us.  We benefit from a mind set that allows us to admit that we don't know everything and we can always get better.

As parents, our kids benefit and our parenting is smoother if we have a desire to improve in our parenting.  We don't have to sit back and get frustrated at the same issues again and again - we can get better.

As parents, we have a world of resources at our fingertips.  Books, TV shows, seminars, the internet, parent groups, church, school - all offer expert advise and ideas for parents to revise and improve parenting methods.  It is extremely difficult on parents to have to learn everything the hard way and it is just as hard on the kids.

As parents, ask your kids how you are doing!  I have shared my "Parent Report Card" in the past and it is a great tool to open communication on how we parents are doing from our kids perspective.  

Hey - we expect our kids to learn from their mistakes and revise their behavior to stay in line with our Core Values and Family Rules.  We should expect the same of ourselves.

Becoming a better parent takes desire and work but the benefits are incredible.  I feel great when one of my hitting students has a big game!  As parents, we feel great when we see our kids succeeding - making good choices, having strong, healthy friendships and exhibiting strong character and solid achievement.  When that happens, take a bow - you are a big part of that success!  If it is not happening as often as you'd like, take a look at your "parenting wardrobe" and get some new threads!

Have a blessed week.

Scott Mennie

Loving our kids even when they are not perfect

What a wonderful message from Steve Noble's Love One Another series.  We talk about this a lot in our parenting seminars and sessions.  Our kids need to know that they do not have to be perfect (they also need to know that they cannot be perfect).  We are ALL sinners and fall so short of God's glory.  Thank God for Jesus Christ!  Amen!!!!!

 

 

Christ paid the price for forgiveness of our sins with his death on the cross.  Though we are sinners, we are saved through our faith in our savior, Jesus Christ.

 

We parents sin.  Our parents sinned as did their parents and so on and so on.  Our kids need to know that we struggle with sin just as they need to know that we parents know our kids struggle from time to time.  When our kids see our struggles, they can see our faith in action.  They can see how we work on becoming more righteous and holy as we struggle every minute to be the people God intends us to be.  We may not get there today or tomorrow - or maybe never.  But God never gives up on us. 

 

But just like our heavenly Father who continues to love us and provide for us and be merciful to us and listen to us and carry our burdens and provide us with ways out and forgive us and heal us and calm us (etc.) in spite of our sinful nature, our kids need to know that there is nothing they can do to loose our love (or to gain our love).  They do not have to earn our love - ever.  We may be disappointed, frustrated, angry and even at the "end of our ropes" with their sin, be we cannot withhold our love.  We are so blessed that our heavenly Father never ceases loving us - no matter how frustrating it must be sometimes.

 

As Mark Gregston (from Heartlight Ministries A@ www.heartlightministries.org/), our kids need to always know that there is nothing they can do to have us love them more and there is nothing they can do to have us love them less.

 

Let's love our kids - even with warts, blemishes, C minuses and sins - they are a gift from God.

 

Thank you, God, for loving us through all of our shortcomings.  Amen.

 

May God continue to bless your family.

 

Scott

 

LOVE ONE ANOTHER (Day 18) > > > Hand Holding

Galatians 6:1a, 2

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

We all struggle with sin. Some days seem better than others…but the life of every Christian has its ups and downs. Today’s verse isn’t addressing our occasional sins, but the ones we tend to struggle with on a regular basis…ones that our family lives may make difficult to avoid.

It could be impatience, or anger, or disrespect, or disobedience. Whatever it is, one of the key’s to overcoming it is found in the actions of more mature Christians…as long as they are gentle and humble. If your younger sibling is struggling with his or her anger, yelling at them isn’t the solution; you need to gently counsel them towards patience and self-control with a calm voice. The same goes for parents!

Finally, Paul urges us to share our burdens. When a sibling or child or spouse sins, our reaction shouldn’t be anger or condemnation or wrath. It should be compassion…as if they fell down and scraped their knee. You heart should ache for them and your reaction should be to help…not to yell at them.

APPLICATION: This is a tricky topic because it usually means the older siblings have a different role than the younger ones. The most important thing we need to do is learn to approach one another’s sins with gentleness and humility, seeking to help one another down the road of spiritual maturity. Discuss the right ways and wrong ways to react to each other’s sin.